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454

I don't buy fortune cookies to be fucking attacked (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 1 week ago by Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/funny@sh.itjust.works

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[–] JayleneSlide@lemmy.world 46 points 1 week ago

When I was a child, my family visited a Chinese restaurant in Washington DC, and we received hilarious gag fortune cookies. Mine said "If you're reading this, the poison hasn't worked yet."

My mother's asshole boyfriend got one that said "Some people have it, some people don't. And you don't." He lost his shit. Fumed for days, and I laughed my ass off.

[–] Skyline969@lemmy.ca 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I got one yesterday that said “You will always live in interesting times.” I got a cursed fortune cookie.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Did you at least get to meet Rincewind, Two Flower, and Cohen the Barbarian?

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 week ago

Not an attack. Pretty solid advice in this day and age.

[–] PhoreTwunny@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

Pfft if I didn't listen to the judge, I'm definitely not going to listen to some dumb fortune cookie

[–] erie09@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

...in bed

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Struggling with how to read that... Punctuation would help... Are the professionals trained in bed? Or is the reader meant to seek their help in bed? Instructions unclear, fortune cookie stuck in dick.

[–] d00phy@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

I prefer “… in prison.”

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

At least it didn't say, "You will have sex with your mother."

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This would go great in reactionmemes too.

[–] MantisToboggon@lazysoci.al 4 points 1 week ago

Seems like you do.

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

You know it's bad when the fortune cookies tell you to seek professional help

[–] chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

People other than Chinese restaurant owners buy fortune cookies?