this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2025
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The Onion

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(Tempe, AZ) Both backlash from liberals and strong support from republicans is meeting the release of a new gun released by Turning Point USA to memorialize the death of Charlie Kirk, the group’s former CEO. The rifle, equipped with a scope and silencer, and “similar to the weapon that killed Kirk” will be available in November, just in time for the holiday season.

A Turning Point spokesperson said the weapon pays tribute to Kirk’s legacy. “Charlie was a firm believer in gun rights. His last words were about gang violence. We feel that releasing this weapon will help heal the divide his death caused.”

But some say the weapon is in bad taste. The anti-gun group Sandy Hook Promise released a statement saying that any glorification of gun violence, and profiting from it, is unAmerican. They also call out the body targets of Kirk that come with the weapon, asking the logic behind including them.

The weapons, however, are seeing massive preorders. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in urban North Dakota, says he will be buying one to commemorate Kirk. “He died doing what he loved, and I’ll say a prayer for him each time I see him in the scope. Amen.”

The Kirk family were not available for comment on the new weapon.

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[–] ech@lemmy.ca 26 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Took a big ol' bite of that one.

[–] maccentric@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I didn’t even realize anything was up till I came across “cow detangler“

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Tangled cattle is a serious problem, Leo is a hero.

[–] maccentric@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 days ago

Well, that and “Urban North Dakota” 😂

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 3 days ago

I just came from a post about a man facing charges for posting a Trump quote about school shootings (“We have to get over it.”) on a Facebook post about a Charlie Kirk memorial.

I just gave a sardonic chuckle and put my phone down, thoroughly having eaten that onion. I’m glad I picked it back up to check the source. I was about to tell my wife!

[–] Venat0r@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

I guess you're not using an app on your phone that puts the community icon next to the title of the post 😅

[–] miked@piefed.social 2 points 3 days ago

Damn it. I almost finished the onion then I read this reply.

[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 32 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I became physically upset and sick for a moment. Bravo.

[–] DreamAccountant@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Silly humanoid, you can go to any gun store, or gun show - and just ask for the exact same gun. They'll be happy to sell it to you, and probalby teach you to clean it, sell you cleaning supplies, show you how to fire it, then also sell you bullets. And a pen. That's how sales works. They want to sell things. If they don't, they don't get money to feed and house their children or cocaine.

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

My cocaine is malnourished?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

To be fair its pretty easy to house cocaine.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)

TOTALLY ate the onion and came back for seconds on this one!

In my defense, his widow sold merch at his funeral and the rest of the cult is super ghoulish too, so it's not really that far fetched..

[–] Ancalagon@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago

Lmao you saved me.

chomp

i just about woke the wife with "OH YOUR GOD YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT THOSE FUCKERS DID NEXT" so good jorb

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Did you write this?

Google literally has no hits for the title you put in. I was going to share the link to the Onion or Beaverton or whatever with some friends.

If you did write it — Bravo!

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 8 points 3 days ago

Check my post history. One of the hidden secrets of Lemmy.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 11 points 3 days ago

Yeah, I ate this one in a single bite. Doesn't sound far-fetched at all.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

God, Guts, and Guns, amirite? /s

Should've been a Glock to commemorate gang violence!

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I considered a Luigi Special tie in, but it got off topic

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Still classic The Onion.

I'd still have upvoted

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The goal was to make the reader feel more and more nauseous until Leo finally shows up to break the spell and admit that it’s satire.

There’s a whole article I could write on etched bullets, but I’m trying to find the right angle.

[–] UniversalBasicJustice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Trying to find the right spin*

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 1 points 3 days ago

Trying to hit the targeted effect.

Trying to get to the jugular.

Trying to define the scope.

…I’ll get to when I have time.

[–] dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 1 points 3 days ago

Yummy yummy onion, drag loves this article