this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2025
165 points (97.7% liked)

Not The Onion

17406 readers
1531 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 26 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] aislopmukbang@sh.itjust.works 49 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I got ecoli from kale once. Fuck me for eating healthy right?

Anyway imagine feeling like you have a kind of flu that makes you projectile vomit out of your ass. Only time I ever shit my pants. Really teaches you the meaning of "never gamble a fart".

[–] gnutrino@programming.dev 31 points 1 month ago

Anyway imagine feeling like you have a kind of flu that makes you projectile vomit out of your ass.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's what we get for having farms downstream from livestock. Now that we have fewer EPA regulations you'd best start scrubbing your veggies real well before eating (if you're American).

[–] clucose@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

One should do this anyway. But god speed America.

[–] devfuuu@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

God is not going to help anyone, better people wake up instead of waiting for it.

[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Unhealthy salad? Ha! Pull the other one!

Seriously though, the amount of greens that I've seen recalled due to e. coli is crazy.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 18 points 1 month ago

weightloss salad, secret incgredient, e.coli toxins.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago

i had norovirus once, that was extremely unpleasant.

[–] digehode@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] pureness@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

sorry if I missed it what did they do lol?

[–] digehode@lemmy.world 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Nothing, just me making a bad pun. Arse as in butt.

[–] pureness@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago

Guilty ass charged

[–] cherry@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 1 month ago

New fear unlocked

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh fuck, that can actually happen? 😨

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

explosive diarrhea can happen, also things like Intussusception when your intestines folds onto each other, like sleeve of a sweather(it can happen if you alot of parasites or a tumor). or your intestines gets so blocked you will be vomiting your own waste.

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

it can happen if you alot of parasites or a tumor

There seems to be a word missing there and I usually don't criticize for that kind of mistake, but in this case it seems REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago

the death metal bands have been trying to warn us for so long, just no one can understand what they're saying

[–] sartalon@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Beth makes the best stories.

[–] SanctimoniousApe@lemmings.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

OMG, that opening paragraph! 🤣

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 2 points 1 month ago

It is a thing of beauty!

[–] Dudewitbow@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

wild ass condition. i wasnt aware there was an opposite to explosive diarrhea thats objectively worse

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago

another similar thing can happen, where your intestines gettin blocked, and you vomit out your own poop.

Yikes that’s brutal. I got a gnarly worm from street meat in Beijing once and made me more cautious

[–] 4grams@awful.systems 4 points 4 weeks ago

I mean, this is probably my eventual fate. I have the mantra of “I’ll try anything twice”. It’s led me to some questionable, but so far outrageously fun, adventures in local cuisine.