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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/totem-fox on 2025-05-28 20:25:42+00:00.

Back when I worked in retail for a stupidly cheapass localized chain, I was the fresh meat department supervisor once my boss got fired for inside job theft. Part of the stupidly outdated training manual was that every half hour the person in charge of the department (myself or an assigned employee/manager/assistant manager/obnoxious corporate toadie) should make announcements for sale items and whatnot.

Now did I initially do everything to the outdated training manual? No, given that I had only one day of formal training (pre-2020 pandemic) and was expected by corporate to know everything. But when I was trained, the guy in charge said no one actually follows the training manual to the T except corporate. No shit sherlock.

After adjusting to the position, and while I was also simultaneously the de facto warehouse manager for 3 years, corporate starched suits come in every now and then, eventually frequently every week, and bitch about me not doing announcements to pick up sales when there's literally three markets around our location within walking distance of less than half a kilometer.

I didn't care, of course, until they threatened to lower my hourly rate. Which, as you guessed, was an empty threat because full-time supervisors can't be docked pay.

Edit 1: at the time, there were no available part-timers to fill either position because corporate couldn't afford to hire more on due to renovations, plumbing, and heating issues, so I wouldn't be fired anyways.

So then I came up with the idea of adding disclaimers and warranties, but only when the starched suits were around. After the most over-the-top stupid voice announcing, I'd always end each with a disclaimer like "We are not held liable for any side effects after purchase, including headache, nausea, fever, itchy and watery eyes, foaming at the mouth, and seizures" in the most menacingly pleasant way.

Funny enough, I'd also make some whacky sales pitch just to comply with the very-fequenting suited idiots. Such as "Today and tomorrow only, get boneless chicken breasts for $.99/lb! One time offer, exclusions may apply. Offer may change without prior notice and this store exclusive." And I'd say the disclaimers really fast like those radio car commercials.

Eventually the stooges stopped asking me to do announcements to their annoyance after about a month. Ironically, all the successful stores never were bothered by corporate and never really followed the training guides anyways, just the boss's orders. Now, no one does announcements, and I left last month anyways. I heard from the former co-workers that the customers miss the crazy sales pitches which was a breath of fresh air against a really bad shuffled playlist from corporate radio, and the boss-approved discounts due to the bankruptcy of the main supplier anyways, effectively ruining sales.

Tl;dr: don't force antiquated tactics on someone who knows how to run the department he was trained in, or suffer prolonged auditory drawback damage.