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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/mdlapla on 2025-05-27 09:39:19+00:00.
So, when I was around 20 yo, I started playing basketball in a gym with some friends.
I wasn't very good at it, shot was extremely unreliable and I've got absolutely no left hand dribble, just like Jaylen Brown.
But it was a nice way to do some cardio and have a laugh. Since I'm on the shorter side, I played point guard and tried to focus mostly on being a pest on defense and do the right pass.
Don't picture YMCA extremely competitive games also, most of the guys out there were about having fun, do some work and improve a little bit.
One day, new guy comes to the gym and asks to play. Short, stocky, bald, in his 30s, extremely serious but with some aura of superiority to himself, probably bank manager or something like that. He has a botched knee and wears a kneepad (important detail for later). Let's call him Baldy.
He also plays point guard so we match up a lot. Baldy plays better than the rest of us because he's intense.
He thinks that he must win each game, shouts, complains, calls fouls that have nothing to do with the game, rarely passes the ball and, generally, makes the game less fun for everyone else.
One particular day, he's being extra annoying and, on a fast break, I try to swipe the ball out of his hands when he starts the layup movement but end up fouling him pretty clearly. He calls foul, I acknowledge, 2 free throws, OK.
Two plays later, same thing, I try to swipe when he gathers, mostly ball, he calls foul. I argue, he gets angry and starts to shout, I say "nevermind, shoot your damn free throws" and we get on with the game.
A couple plays later, again, fast break, I try to swipe on gather (yeah, I never learn), clear foul. He gets up really angrily and walks to my face and says:
Baldy: "If you're gonna foul me every single time, let me know, so next time you're standing below the basket, I will jump knee first into your head and we'll settle this for sure."
Me: "OK, I'll be waiting."
Baldy is fuming, he gets the ball on a fast break (lot of turnovers on my team, yeah) and starts running. I was a little behind on the play so I have a solid 2-3 seconds on my painted area before he arrives, I know that he's not going to even try the layup, he's coming straight at me, so I get pretty much under my basket and... I wait.
And he delivers. He jumps knee with kneepad high into my face, ball in hand, not even trying to score.
At the last moment, I slide to the side, so Baldy passes flying right by me and crashes into the basket support knee first.
Baldy tries to get up but he has hurt the knee and is limping badly, out for the game for sure.
So I walk to him and say "hey, you told me that we need to settle this for sure, I did just that, we're playing for fun here, go take a shower."
I guess that he took it better than expected, everybody was ready for a brawl, but he just left.
He never came back to play again. Nobody liked the guy anyway.
TLDR: Basketball bully asks to settle a heated encounter by shoving his knee up my face, ends up crashing against the basket support and the matter is settled, just not how he intented it to be.