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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/HeraSteps1 on 2025-05-21 15:17:08+00:00.
Our manager put out a call for "any available staff member" to help with a particularly unpleasant task – sorting through a massive backlog of dusty, disorganized files in the basement. Nobody volunteered (surprise!).
So, I, the newest intern with the least to lose, cheerfully said, "I'm available!"
I then proceeded to interpret "any available staff member" literally. I found someone from accounting, who hadn't been downstairs in twenty years and complained about the dust allergies. I got someone from IT, who insisted on wearing his full hazmat-looking cleanroom suit. And then there was me, meticulously sorting each file with the speed and enthusiasm of a sloth on tranquilizers.
The task took three times longer than it should have, with much sighing and wheezing. The manager came down, took one look at our "team," and just rubbed his temples.
He never used the phrase "any available staff member" quite so casually again.