this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.
They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
That depends on the bear's tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it's one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it's half a slap.
One
Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I'm armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
Maybe the targeted advertising got your location wrong?
And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.
What kind of bear is that wearing the sunglasses?
Honey bear.
Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
Turn around is a bad idea
If it's brown, lie down
Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn't have a wrapper.
That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn't choke to death on your Nikes.
Also.
Some black bears are brown.
Some brown bears are black.
Good luck everyone.
Polar bears have black skin. Polar bears are black bears.
Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.
180 seconds feels extremely generous tbh
Another reference, this time in 3D:
Me, 6'4" 235lb, that's a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue
And there was a time that humans with stone tools were like yep I can kill that
That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.
That cub will fuck me up
Whatever that little thing laying on the rock would fuck me up.
It would.
Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.
They mentioned that in Tiger King and I just chuckled thinking that was the source of your reference.
That may be where I heard it. My memory's not as good as it used to be.
I need a gummy bear for scale.
Zoom in on my shirt, the ring around my neck is about the height and width of a gummy bear, or at least close enough to work as an average
Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
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Your survival time would depend on how far apart you and the bear are, how's fast you can run, and how angry or hungry the bear is.
Don't run, you'll just die tired.
Polar bears can reach 25 mph, I don't see myself outrunning that.
Polar bears hunt even when not hungry because of the general scarcity of food in their environment
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