memes

Every mattress store you’ve ever seen is likely a front for some shady shit.

Back in the early 2000s, when malls were still frequented, there was a tea shop down a dark wing that was rarely visited. I was on a tea bender and visited often, it was always empty. The man who ran the shop was very friendly. He was so friendly that he never failed to overstuff the tea I bought, give me a free hot tea, my choice, even the very expensive tea, on the spot, and heavily discount the tea I did pay for. I recommended him to friends and family, who reported the same experience. Empty shop, free and discounted tea, very friendly.

After a while, he opened up a little. He was from Iran. He had to leave very quickly, but he missed his home country. When asked why he left, he would dodge the question. People I sent to visit also reported his question dodging. He hesitated to say much about Iran beyond its ancient (and very cool) history.

I do not think he was laundering money, but he wasn't there to make money. My guess is that he was whisked away by the US Government/CIA and given a new home in a quiet town where he could finally relax and just sell tea.

A few times, his older son was in the shop and was always visibly frustrated or bored, and he expressed a strong desire to "go home" back to Iran. The tea shop man tried to hide the seriousness in his tone when asking his son to be quiet. On occasion, his wife was there. She was friendly enough when speaking to you but always had a wary look on her face when you walked into the shop, looking right at your face for the first few seconds. I know that look personally. She was looking for danger in a face.

Even after the mall's soul died and the anchor stores left, the little friendly tea shop in the dark, empty wing stayed.

That family was not there to make money selling tea. Very, very good tea, might I add. Such a friendly man. I hope they found peace.

There used to be a coffee shop in my town. Every day they had a two-part secret phrase that would let you get drugs, but it sounded like an order. I think I activated it one time. "Can I please get a double-double with whip cream?" "Sure. How's your dog Mittens?" "I have no dog?!" Later, the coffee shop shut down because they got caught drug trafficking. They would double cup the coffee orders that had the drugs, and put the drugs in between the paper cups.

Nah they make good steak and shrimp and they don't bother me so Ima leave them alone. There are much bigger criminals to worry about in this country than shady local businesses.

My town has a population of about 2,000 people. There are five dedicated car washes within a 10-mile radius of my house, with two more under construction.

It's way more than one shop. Meh, shop there anyway if you like anything they sell. Chances are your government is blowing ridiculous money on bullshit anyway. Pay cash too when you can. And do everything you can to resist digital spending tracking.

I keep thinking about the pizza store that was opened as a front for the mafia but did such good business that they quit doing the mafia thing and just sold pizzas full-time

Only one? All vape shops are money laundering fronts, until proven otherwise.

I found a money laundering deli

It's amazing, they love having customers as it improves their cover so everything is dirt cheap and really high quality.

Sometimes people come in and the guy behind the register politely shuffles us out with an armful of free cold cuts and a wink

None of you will ever hear about this place from my lips

Used to be a Pizza place in my home town that had $1 large pizza on Wednesday no limit, they were the worst pizza in town, but they were packed every week. It went on for years then they got shut down turns out they were using the increase in foot traffic to cover people coming in to buy drugs.

There's a mobile phone repair shop next to where we live. Everything in the window is faded from the sun. In 6 years of living here I have not seen it open or someone inside even once.

One of our customers operates out of two leased "office" trailers next to an old pole barn in the middle of a corn field.

From there, they "operate" 17 different companies, all demanding separate billing from us.

There's no WAY it's legit. They have more "official" registered companies than they have office employees.

Edited because mobile sucks

Sometimes it's just a passion project by crazy people. My town has a shack on a busy non-walkable intersection without even parking spaces that sells only angel figurines. Let me be clear, this isn't general angel knickknacks, this isn't specific saints, it's angel figurines ONLY. You will find no bless this house signs. No Christmas tree toppers or ornaments. Not a single holiday decoration, religious or otherwise. You won't even find Jesus on the cross.

Angel. Figurines. Only. I always assumed it was a front for something until my mom helped with some taxes for them. No, it's just one crazy couple who are obsessed with the sanctity of the angel figurine. They feel very strongly about it and asking if they do garden angels now that spring's coming up and you'd love to patronage them is apparently offensive enough for them to take their taxes elsewhere lol.

There are three recently opened smoke and vape shops in my village that are 100% money laundering schemes, they all sell American sweets as well for some reason

YaYa's Flam Broiled Chicken. It's not good. There's never anybody in the parking lot. But you're telling me they could move to a bigger location? One that's a converted bank?? Banks have vaults. For all the laundered money.

At the end of my street growing up was a used car dealership with the same 4 cars scattered out front my entire time through elementary, middle and high school. They didn't even bother airing up the tires...

The "Water and Donut Store" where they get mad if you ask for donuts, say it's not the right time of day for donuts (all times of day/night are the wrong time, but there are always three or four stale, lonely donuts in the large glass donut cases) and have a station where you may, for a small fee, fill your water jugs with minimally filtered tap water. 🤨

My town had an extremely generically named "spa" that I passed by all the time and joked that it must be a drug ring and I found out that no actually they were a human trafficking ring and they got shut down by the police.

In Switzerland it's either "Barber Shops" or "Döner Shops" their card reading terminals are for some reason always broken and you have to pay cash!

Theres a pizza store near me that always sells the weirdest pizzas, they have beans on pizza and just about everything else. Nobody ever goes in and ive never seen any deliveries leave.

We have a jewelry store in town that is by appointment only. During the day there's always a high end car parked at the back of the store but you never see anyone in there. When my buddy was getting ready to propose he tried calling to get an appointment and it went straight to voicemail with a message that said private clients only and then beeped. He left a message but never heard back. I've never met anyone who has seen anyone go in or come out of that place.

Not quite the same but I used to work at a local, family owned supermarket chain that is now out of business. I started at one of the busiest locations, but after I moved apartments I transferred to another location that was out in the 'burbs. At the first location I worked at, all our equipment was well maintained, stock was reasonable, stuff seemed normal.

At the suburban location, our equipment was all falling apart. The roof leaked. The other stores sent us their overstock and charged it to our departments. I was in the deli, and one day the contracted maintenance guy was there and I asked if he could take a look at one of the meat slicers. He said sorry, corporate told him not to do any work at this location that they hadn't pre-approved.

My first hypothesis was that this location didn't make any money, and that's why they didn't want to spend to fix it. One day I decided to ask the store manager about it—he was pretty chill and we talked sometimes, so I figured he wouldn't mind. I said "Does this store actually make any money?" and he said "Well, let me put it this way: the numbers I report to corporate show that every department here, except floral, makes a profit every month. And then the numbers they put out in the quarterly reports show that we've never made a profit since we opened."

"Where does the money go?" I asked.

"That's above my pay grade," he said.

I'm convinced someone was embezzling funds. A couple years after I left, the whole chain closed one day with no notice to the employees.

I have long held the belief that all these mattress stores are all a front for something.

There's a shopping center nearby that has three of them. THREE MATTRESS STORES WITHIN THROWING DISTANCE OF EACH OTHER.

Mattresses are like a once every 10 years purchase. How the fuck is there enough foot traffic to support 3 of them mother fuckers that close together?

When I worked across the street from them I never saw any of them having big sales or anything. Nobody I knew anyone that worked at any of them. They never seemed busy. Never saw trucks bringing in stock.

It doesn't add up.

Those fucking candy shops in London. You know the ones. Also, I used to manage a car wash/detail shop in Florida, and Breaking Bad nailed it.

In 1991 two small businesses were busted for being fronts for illegal gambling parlors. 30 Cleveland cops were part of the bust. I lived next to both of them at one time. One was a t-shirt printing shop, I forget what the other was. A year later I moved into a neighborhood that had a pizza shop with a very nice sign, no windows and never seemed to be open. It was not uncommon to see a patrol car parked in front

Growing up west of Orlando, there was this store in the mall that sold like glass figures and porcelain stuff. Never once did I ever see a customer in there. Multiple stores came and went but that one, there since the mall’s opening, remained. When I worked for EB Games at the same mall, we’d always pass it when we dropped off our money and my manager would say it was a front. Everyone I knew called it the Crack Store.

There was a famous 24h florist in my city that everyone joked had to be a front for something. (Turned out it was drugs.)

Coincidentally, there's a shop in my neighbourhood that's also floral-themed and suspicious as heck: it says it sells flowers, but I only see potted plants (that don't appear to be for sale) and earrings on display stands (which do appear to maybe be for sale) when I peek in the window. I've lived here for many years, and I've never once seen it open, no matter what time of day or day of the week I walk past. With rent constantly rising and quite a lot of businesses in the street closing or moving away, it seems highly suspicious that this one could be turning a profit without ever being open.

Once lived in a small town with not one, but TWO Hollywood Videos. In like the late 20-teens. Just napkin math numbers, you'd need every household in the town to rent a video twice a week to support both of those just maintaining their leases... Over a decade into the age of streaming dominance.

There was no way they weren't doing something shady on the side.

you mean the 12 car washes that all sprung up at the same exact time all within 5 miles of each other?

the same ones that have practically zero cars driving through them because they opened at the height of 2020 where nobody was driving anymore?

the same ones that somehow weathered a bust market for carwashes for 3 years?

the same ones that are owned by two guys with the same last name that look suspiciously like retired mafia?

you mean those places?

nah, they're just a couple brothers that were really successful before the pandemic.

Just one? Knowing how expensive commercial rent is in this area, I’m pretty sure quite a few of the stores around here are fronts. No way this town supports 12 different nail salons. There’s a taco shop and a greek place in the same shopping center that both taste terrible and are always completely empty. How does a vacuum and sewing repair shop stay in business in this day and age?

I grew up near a place called the "McGuffin Lumber Company." It was just a tiny storefront business, and I never saw anyone go in. And, of course, "MacGuffin" is a Hollywood term for an arbitrary thing that motivates the plot of a movie, like the Maltese Falcon in that film. So it was a running gag in my family that it must be a front.

It's one of the three mattress stores within 2 blocks of each other, but I'm not sure which one.

Hint: it's all of them.

There is a super famous, incredibly mediocre destination BBQ restaurant in Central Texas that is famous for an all-you-can-eat family-style meal. For decades, they only accepted cash. Way, way longer than made sense. Like into the 2020s I think.

Their main menu item was all-you-can eat (hard to quantify number of sales), only members of the family that ran the place were allowed to count the take and the receipts at the end of each shift, and they only took cash.

I fully believe they were either laundering money or evading taxes by under-reporting. But then they opened a few satellite branches, including one at the airport, and started having to be more careful as they expanded.

My town has like 20+ different barbershops within a couple blocks from each other. They only do the most basic mens haircuts, rarely have any customers, cheap, and cash-only. The business usually lasts for a little over a year, and then suddenly they get some new signage... and another barbershop is reborn! All using similar stock image logos as well.

I went to one a couple years back and I had to basically buzzcut myself to be presentable again.