Asklemmy

Shooting 12 year olds with homemade ink weapons

Person with huge pockets builds a house that gets blown up because the door was left open.

You throw cubes in transdimensional holes to win a cake.

try to cure your burnout by waking up and starting work at 6am and passing out at 2am every single day for the rest of your life

Speaking skills - 0

Sword and shield skills - 100

A man finds himself in front of a set of two open doors, he enters the door to his left.

A guy just wants to leave his home country and see the world, but his dad won't let him. Even when he gets past his dad, he still can't quite make it. It's in the blood.

You're finally awake in death row and then spend the whole adventure, shouting to others, trying to avoid knee injury

Getting insulted by a sassy robot while you solve puzzles and try not to die.

You end up stranded on a foreign planet. You need to build a rocket so you can go home, but unfortunately you have to build a whole manufacturing facility to do that. As if this wasn't hard enough, the inhabitants of the planet are environmentalist assholes and will do anything in their power to stop you.

Human leather factory simulator where you send drugged up child soldiers on slave raids while committing war crimes.

If this comment doesn't get me on some watchlist I don't know what will.

Florida men crashland on planet, commit war crimes and sell drugs.

You kill and torture people with a blunt stick and blame it all on Ranrok.

Oh, and apparently painless, instant kills are much less moral than turning people into explosive barrels and hurling them at your enemies.

99

Syberia

You're an alien frog archaeologist that launches themself into space in a rocket jerry-rigged out of wood and ancient alien goat-person tech. After dying repeatedly in several excruciating and brutal ways you learn to embrace death.

Very, very flat people open a very, very old door.

you land on an alien planet, burn down trees, pollute the air, exterminate the native wildlife, drain the land of all natural resources, pave it all over with concrete, put some fish on a rocket, do not elaborate, leave

Ooh, look at this beautiful vast open world! Let's go explo-YOU DIED

YOU DIED

YOU DIED

YOU DIED

Kid gets sick of being told to clean his room and runs away from home, but it's more difficult than he anticipates. In desperation, he reaches out to his estranged relatives for help, which just makes his dad even more mad.

-_-

Upon being released from prison, you thrust yourself directly into the local religions and governments until everyone can agree that you're the rebirth of divinity, at which point you doom the game world to death by giant fucking meteor by poking a large heart with really specific silverware.

I married my cousin, had an affair with my sister and then joined a religious sect that requires me to be naked all the time.