Do lesbians refer to themselves as butch or femme during dating or is this something that only parts of the community do?
this post was submitted on 26 Feb 2025
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Once you're in a relationship it doesn't really matter much. These terms exist in a similar way to "goth" or "preppy" in that they basically just describe a vibe/aesthetic. They're mainly only used when describing one's "type"
They're also used to describe some enbies
I usually see "masc" rather than "butch" for enbies
I call myself a butch.
Do you do that for the purpose of expressing your interest in a femme partner or mainly to describe yourself?
Please let me know if any of this is overstepping boundaries. The lesbian community is unknown to me.
Mainly to describe myself. I'm attracted to many kinds of women.
There are plenty of people who exclusively want fem/fem or butch/butch relationships.
There's not a simple mapping to conventionally-prescribed straight relationships.
Very interesting. Thank you for sharing.
what's a "femme" ?
cuz in french is just means "woman"
a femme is a feminine lesbian
a butch is a masculine lesbian
Man I wanted a post about fishing.
/c/fishing
If that link works?
Divorce lawyers salivating
Is femme and butch basically bottoms and tops?
Not related actually. Femmes are more feminine, butches are more masculine, and they both have an aesthetic. Also since this is lesbian terminology everything about everything about this is fiercely debated. Popular arguments include if one can be femme without dating butches (the inverse argument exists but is less common).
Right but bottoms are more feminine, tops more masculine, and both have clearly defined aesthetics too. Is the butch one also typically meant to play a more dominant role in the relationship?
Dominance and sexual position are unrelated to these roles.
yeah when I meant dominant I meant like "taking the lead", not in a sexual sense. Like, would the butch always drive? As a bottom, I never drive myself, I let the top do that.
Yeah that's not a thing that happens with us. I'm a femme who fixes stuff in my home. Honestly not even the gay men in my life are like that