Asklemmy

Table might count for me here.

I grew up in America and "a bill was tabled" means that a bill was removed from consideration there... while as in Canada it means the precise opposite "a bill was tabled" means it was introduced for debate.

I don't use the term often in common speech, but I was really confused reading political news when I first arrived.

every word i use is right, its the english language that is wrong

Encephalitis is caused by viral infections. Our immune system usually suppresses said viruses, and HIV takes away the ability to suppress them.

This happens with a lot of illnesses... thrush, Tuberculosis, fungal infections. HIV allows a lot of stuff to have far worse impact than it normally would.

That's not quite the same as HIV causing them... Pedantic maybe, but since we're talking about words meaning things... ;)

I was homeschooled and was basically educated by books, so I have a massively large vocabulary and I mostly use it correctly.

But pronunciation? I'm fucked.

How about " till " in English vs " 'til " ?

In English, a till is a cash drawer or a plough. The abbreviation for "until" is " 'til ".

I see it in subtitles. I worry for society.

Freedom.

Apparently where I live it means torture people till they off themselves.

Oh in English -- I used to say renumerate (numerate a second time) instead of remunerate (pay someone for a thing).

I thought phallic (fálico) meant flawed (falho) and used it so much. I cringe when I remember this 😭

I used the term 'pursuant' incorrectly for a long time. I thought it meant something like 'things you do in order to achieve something', like sweeping the floor is pursuant to getting the kitchen clean, vs the correct usage, which is either 'in accordance with', or 'in a manner conformable to'. So a correct usage would be 'sweeping the floor is pursuant to the procedure we set up to clean the kitchen'. Nice word, though. I like it.

Awkward because encephalitis is caused by HIV.

From the NHS website:

Encephalitis is most often due to a virus, such as:

• herpes simplex viruses, which cause cold sores (this is the most common cause of encephalitis)
• the varicella zoster virus, which causes chickenpox and shingles
• measles, mumps and rubella viruses
• viruses spread by animals, such as tick-borne encephalitis, Japanese encephalitis, rabies (and possibly Zika virus)

Encephalitis caused by a virus is known as "viral encephalitis". In rare cases, encephalitis is caused by bacteria, fungi or parasites.

I thought penultimate meant ...basically ultimate

Am doofus

Edit: to clarify, I thought it meant it in a good way, as in best. It actually means next to last

I didn't realize "effect" and "affect" were different words for a long time.

Is encephalitis caused only by HIV, though?

I seem to think it was a thing before HIV.

literally, apparently.

I happily described a nice coffee shop as "kitschy" to the guy behind the counter and quickly learned from his reaction that it isn't the synonym for "artsy" that I thought it was.

For decades I pronounced albeit like "al-bayt", instead of "all-be-it". I only ever saw it in writing, and never hears anyone say it. Meaning made also so much more sense when I finally heard it being said out loud. Eye opener.

Nothing too big or embarrassing, but for a while I thought "nepotism" just meant the same as "narcissism" when it's actually about favoritism towards one's family.

I used poignant wrong for a long time, when it came to describing memories. I thought it meant the memories were strong, clear sensory ones but it meant sad ones.

I thought "long COVID" meant "lung COVID" because in dutch long = lung

Not a super long time but I conflated apocryphal with like sagely or scholarly

Can I submit an expression? "Have the work cut out for you". My thinking was "there was a lot of work, but my boss said I'll have the work cut out for me. Phew, now there's less work after some of it being cut out!"

I used to say "worth nothing" while, obviously, the correct way is "worth noting".

However, given how many Google results are there about the wrong spelling, I'm clearly not the only one.

I lived for the better part of a decade in Vietnam thinking "đại lý" was a loan word from English meaning "daily".

It actually indicates an agent (like a reseller) -- e.g. a lottery ticket seller, news stand, and so on. "Daily" just worked in all those contexts by coincidence.

I also mix up "in stock" (in a warehouse) and "available". So an analogy is I often ask people if they have "a clock in their warehouse" instead of if they "have the time".

Also probably two dozen equally weird things I'm not even aware of. People are pretty chill about it, mostly because the number of people without Vietnamese heritage that speak the language in any capacity, rounds down to zero.