this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023
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Asklemmy

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[–] sxan@midwest.social 40 points 10 months ago (3 children)

TIL Satan is a genie.

Also, in these games, the folks going for "more wishes" are shooting low. The only wish you need, which also defeats the monkey's paw, is "grant me omnipotence."

But: this is Satan we're talking about. The Deciever, The Traitor. Not only is this a monkey-paw situation, but a Christian Satan is going to actively try to decieve you.

I don't think I'd even trust his answer about whether there's a cost, so I'd pass on the winning lotto numbers, too.

I'd say, "no thanks" and immediately convert to Catholicism, start going to church, and lead a clean life from here on out. If the orthodox Jews are right, I'm fucked anyway since my mother isn't a Jew, so Christianity is the best bet.

[–] PatheticGroundThing@beehaw.org 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Omnipotence without knowing how to control it could very easily instantly annihilate you, whether physically or mentally through complete ego death.

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[–] qooqie@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

This is the only true safe wish or questions. Nothing is pressing enough to ask just to get purposefully deceived and probably in such a way as to cause harm

[–] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I thought if Judaism is correct gentiles can avoid Gehennom (purgatory) by following the 7 noahide laws?

[–] GCanuck@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

And here I thought the Jewish faith didn’t have an afterlife?

So much conflicting information in this religion thing. I think I’ll just avoid it all together.

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[–] TheBananaKing@lemmy.world 31 points 10 months ago (3 children)

What is the simplest proof that P=NP?

Waht is the simplest complete unified model of physics?

How do I make you grant me unlimited wishes?

[–] scorpionix@feddit.de 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Monkey's paw moment: Simply wish for unlimited wishes

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wish granted! Bam, you can now wish anything, as many times as you want, and it won't be any different!

[–] scorpionix@feddit.de 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Except you missed the point.

They asked for the instruction as their third wish. They don't have any wishes left to wish for more.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 4 points 10 months ago

Only the post is about asking questions to the devil, not asking for wishes. Which would make no difference in the end, you can make all the wishes you want, there was never anything about making any of them coming true.

[–] LastYearsPumpkin@feddit.ch 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Maybe add "that can be understood by most experts in the relevant field of study living today" to those questions, cause you might get something incomprehensible in the response.

[–] derekabutton@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

My first thought for the first one is that a malicious devil will just reply that n=1.

[–] teawrecks@sopuli.xyz 5 points 10 months ago

"Satan has stopped responding. Would you like to force close?"

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago
  1. What's the catch?

  2. So you'll just answer ANY three questions I have truthfully?

  3. Wait... Did those first two count?

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Are you the devil?

Really?

You?

[–] Blackout@kbin.social 16 points 10 months ago

Will you please fuck off and take the Trump voters with you?

[–] esc27@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
  1. What two questions could I ask you that would provide me with the best possible benefit in a way I would be happy with

  2. (And 3) those questions

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Can I really ask 3 whole questions? Oh ... two now? Fuck!! goddam. Ok, ummm... gotta be something real important, something impactful... Should I invest in Tesla?

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 7 points 10 months ago

I should have just asked who has the hottest content on OnlyFans. At least I would have got something for my money.

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 14 points 10 months ago

Lotto Numbers, Lotto Numbers, and, is God a jerk?

I feel like listening to the devil bitch about God for a few hours would be therapeutic.

[–] bestusername@aussie.zone 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Why is your father such a childish fuckwit?

Why does he let you act equally/more powerful?

Can I have an Audi RS6 Avant with unlimited fuel and tyres?

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 18 points 10 months ago

I feel like the answer to the third question would be the pendantic, "you sure can!" answer.

[–] Gabu@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Since it's impossible to determine whether any given answer is true or not, the logical course of action is to only ask question with observably objective answers. Examples:

  • What are the next lottery numbers?
  • Will it rain tomorrow?
  • Where was the exact location of Troy during the Greek war?

Things like that.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 7 points 10 months ago
  • 1 67 8 10 5 (doesn't specify where)
  • Yes (doesn't specify where)
  • Gives you exact coordinates to a town called Troy in the US that existed during the Greek civil war of the 1950s
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[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"No thank you, you're smarter than I am and don't have my best interests in mind."

[–] lazylion_ca@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 months ago

I'd ask why at least.

[–] jack@hexbear.net 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)
  1. is squirt pee?
  2. is squirt pee?
  3. is squirt pee?
[–] EVERGREEN@lemmy.one 5 points 10 months ago

At your core you know the answer to that question, and you are ok with it.

[–] orgrinrt@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

Not sure what devil means here, but I suppose it doesn’t really matter which kind of devil it is exactly. It’s probably going to be very unhelpful or actively malicious on concrete or practical stuff anyway.

Would just ask stuff about them. How’d they come to be? Are there more of you? Are you limited to this planet, or does your influence extend beyond? Stuff like that.

[–] Dio9sys@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 10 months ago
  1. Why are you offering this?
  2. Yo what's the deal with UFOs?
  3. Preferred hot dog recipe
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 7 points 10 months ago

As is, the post doesn't specify whether the devil will answer truthfully or not. So, I suppose it's safe to say he'll just be a dick

  1. Which place in hell would my soul end up if I died right now?
  2. Can I take your place after I die?
  3. Which religion is your favorite?
[–] trackindakraken@lemmy.whynotdrs.org 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So many people assuming The Devil would answer honestly.

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[–] uphillbothways@kbin.social 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

How'd you get in my house?
Would you please leave?
Who the fuck was that?

[–] FaceDeer@kbin.social 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"Are you really the devil?" following up with "Really?", and "You?".

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[–] StrawberryPigtails@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

TANSTAFL. What's the price?

[–] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

What's TAnStafl? And there is no price

[–] verity_kindle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

TANSTAAFL= There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Thanks Adam, Never Shoot Teradactyls Around A Frozen Lake

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[–] Valmond@lemmy.mindoki.com 5 points 10 months ago (7 children)

How do you cure aging, next years loto numbers, so, how is it in hell is it as bad as they say?

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[–] starlord@lemm.ee 5 points 10 months ago

What is your name?

What is your quest?

What is your favorite color?

[–] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

What's the deal with the fiddle?

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[–] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'd probably squander these questions because if it's the Christian devil, I'm not sure whether or not to trust him or not.

  1. What's my name?

  2. What's your name?

  3. Did you know I'm asking these questions because I don't know whether or not to believe you?

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[–] Shambles@beehaw.org 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
  1. What are the winning numbers for the next big lottery?
  2. What companies should I Invest a big portion of winnings into to become the richest person in the world?
  3. What are the names of the specific people I will need to target to either befriend/influence/kill and, which do I need to befriend/influence/kill to take control of the planet?
[–] verity_kindle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

I wouldn't mess with it, he can only lie anyway. Any knowledge you gained would only turn around and bite you, "monkey's paw" style.

[–] Extrasvhx9he@lemmy.today 3 points 10 months ago

Noping the hell out of that situation. Hehe get it?

[–] eclipse@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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