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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/Alert-Librarian-6943 on 2024-08-15 11:35:29+00:00.
So during this summer I decided to put my English skills to use at my part-time job. I work at a local tiny Café on a small city in the middle of nowhere, so I oftenly go around and just say stuff like "Oh hey! That shirt means this, this and this!" and people are just somewhat surprised and ask me questions about how I know English so well and yada yada yada. The usual European elder people talk. Well, there was this cousin of mine that just used to pass by for a cup of coffee on the way to work. He was very into video-games and books and social media, the usual person in the mid 20s if you ask me. So one day he decided to ask me "Hey, I want to learn English soo, can you help?" and I was like somewhat surprised because nowadays if you want to learn any languages you just download an app and do daily exercises or just watch movies on that language (that's what I did). I told him just that but he wasn't satisfied he said he NEEDS someone to be with him to check on how he evolves on the language. I know my cousin fairly well, we talk daily, so he wasn't shocked when I gave him a pocket face asked his real reason.
He said exactly this: "There is this one English girl that is a poet. She's fine and I wanna hook up with her. I have this cool poem for them."
I. Reddit. I stood there for 3 minutes in silence. He just wanted to learn the language for a good night??? Obviously I said that it wasn't worth all the work and that he could just let me see the poem and let me translate it. He refused at the start but then after some back and forths he ended up agreeing but he agreed in a not so thankful tone, he sounded like a damn king sparing the life of a peasant and he said "Don't you dare change a thing on the poem! Just translate it literally and that's it."
Okay. I'll translate it literally just for you since you asked so nicely.
A-Ahem.
"Your eyes is how the sky blue. Stones brilliants on night starry. I myself ask if you cans see the mine's? Because defentively I cans see the yours the day all"
(Portuguese to English if you are wondering which funny language is this.)