Okay, this one happened two days ago and I'm still freaked out about it. Sorry, it's a bit longer, but I wanted to explain how it happened, but Tl;dr: My cat communicates as if there's a person trapped inside of him that doesn't speak my language.
Piper (m/14/not-orange) has been a handful ever since I got him 1.5 years ago after his owner died. Every morning he's waaay too active for my taste and very skittlish. And everytime I want to work from home, he gets on my desk, walks around my keyboard and mouse, gets really into my face etc. He'd even sit on my table and slowly raise one paw out to me as if he wanted to gently touch me - he does that when I'm lying in bed to indicate that there's something he wants, i.e. food or getting under the blanket. But when I would pet him, he'd often move his head away or even walk away (from my hands), indicating that he didn't want to be pet - but he'd still block what I was doing.
You can imagine that this is frustrating. Sometimes he'd even meow and indicate that he wants something, but I just didn't know what. He had food, his litter box was clean, we had often played before until he didn't want to anymore. So...
...what's your problem??? I yelled on wednesday, after he wouldn't let me work (and rubbed his head pretty forcefully into my face), but had anything he could want (yes, even a treat - he just had one). But this time, something happened:
He got visibly calmer, sat on his back legs and then slowly took his paw, pretended to lick it, and then did that cleaning-motion cats do on their head. And he did it again, really cementing that he was only pretending to lick his paw.
So, out of options, I just thought "what if I was in his body and there's something I want?" and did the same motion he did on him. And sure as hell, that's what he wanted! And it didn't stop there!
After 10 seconds he jumped onto my lap and started rubbing his head against my table, like he does every day with almost every furniture I got (he basically presses his mouth against an edge and then moves his head in such a way that the surface scratches along his cheek and up to his ears). But this time, instead of thinking "he's just marking his territory" (like everybody told me), I tried repeating that motion.
I placed my finger on the corner of his mouth and moved it in the same way the edge of the table would move along his face. And this took a while to get "right", several times he'd repeat the motion (slower and more distinct in parts) to really show what he wanted. Everytime I did it right, he'd sat there enjoying it, everytime I did it wrong, he showed me the correct motion again.
And people, it didn't stop here. Later he did stuff like like wetting a part of my desk with his tongue and rubbing his head in it, which I interpreted has him wanting to have a "wet bath". So, I got some warm water, dipped my fingers in it, and he was in heaven (I bought a toothbrush for that on the same day).
Yeah, stuff like this happened over the last 2 days. This comment here was inspired because he just came to me and showed me with his paw and the table surface another scratching motion around his ear, which I replicated - and found some crusted blood behind his left year, which he let me remove gently (he'd move his head away when I got too aggressive).
People, I'm scared. The cat I've been living with for almost two years is really smart. I seriously considered the possibility that there might be a reincarnated person inside of him, from an older age and a different country, who just doesn't understand what I'm saying or what our technology is, but otherwise is as smart as you and me.
That's how I've been treating him the last days, and our interactions have been a lot more pleasurable.
...someone make a movie out of this, with the protagonist's cats' inner voice narrated by Tom Hanks, and where all "arrogant" cats are simply fed up and gave up all hope of their owners ever understanding them.