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has anyone had a gamer partner or been that gamer partner? what helped the relationship despite being a gamer? (thelemmy.club)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by nonBInary@thelemmy.club to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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(i'm asking a discussion question for more advice +update ig)

my girlfriend ivy is a gamer. she plays video games "with the boys" (her guy friends) for hours non-stop and doesn't do much else. her whole life is dedicated to video games. she is passionate about them and they are her main interest.

lately we've been having a problem of her not wanting to go out with me or spend time one-on-one because she wants to play games with the lads.

by the time i was able to ask her if she wanted to go somewhere, she was already in a game and didn't want to pause it. then, i asked her when she finally stopped hours later to take a break.

her response was "nah, i don't really like that place. but you can go if you want and you can watch me play games when you're done".

i enjoy her company and she still talks to me when we play video games but i wanna do other things other than just playing/watching video games.

she, however, doesn't really get it and doesn't wanna go out or do anything else. i guess i will just suck it up because she still talks to me?? please don't criticize me for this and be civil. i just wanna hear what you did in a gamer relationship.

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[–] Zeusz13@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

Hey! I'm a psychologist who also happens to be a gamer and be in a relationship. I have something to add.

Your real problem isn't really about gaming. You could change gaming to any activity, and your complaint would remain valid. Your real problem is me-time vs. we-time. The exact balance of the two and what programs are included will be different in every relationship. You need to communicate and find a balance that works for both of you.

Gaming is a fun hobby, but when it starts hurting other areas of one's life, you need to address them. For me time spent with my girl is important, so I usually don't game in the evening, we watch a show together.