Asklemmy

50619 readers

180 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 6 years ago

MODERATORS

what advice can you give me to try and mend a broken friendship so we don't interrupt each other or yell at each other while trying to solve our issues? (linux.community)

submitted 6 days ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3500461

it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other's point of view before resuming the conversation. We don't have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don't see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I've also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I'm the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] blackbrook@mander.xyz 3 points 6 days ago

I would also say it its important to understand and accept that what a person feels is valid even if something it is based on is 'wrong'. If I hurt you, you hurt, and that is important to address even if I didn't mean to hurt you, even if I think that isn't a thing that should be hurtful, even if you misunderstand my motives.

When I act a certain way, you may think it means a certain thing, because that it what it has meant coming from other people, or what it would mean coming from you, or what you believe it is supposed to mean. I on the other hand may not even realize that another could take it to mean something other then what it means for me. It can be hard understanding what another person's actions or reactions mean, and doubly so because we do not always understand ourselves.