MeanwhileOnGrad

"Shit get done"

I mean, I do acknowledge they have an impressive subway system that looks modern (at least that's how I remembered Guangzhou. But everything else tho?

My mother told me she was worried about food safety (cuz the government doesn't do shit abouy it), and apparantly there were a lot of child abductions in China (as a consequence of both the One Child Policy and that some people were infertile), building safety concerns 豆腐渣工程 (tofu dreg), income security, 地沟油 (people digging up oil from the sewers and used it as cooking oil on street venders). And also worker rights suck. Long hours, minimal pay, most people didn't have any "union contract" with a lot of protections and benefits like many in the US does. Non-existent social safety net, even when compared to the US's own lackluster welfare system, its still worse. Stupid "Hukou" system which mean my parents had to pay for school. Also, free school lunch doesn't exist, I usually just walked home for 1st and 2nd grade (yes, I was that young lol, laws didn't give a shit about unattended children lmao, I mean, its not like parents would have any time since they needed to be making money) to have lunch that my grandmother cooked. Then I walked backed to school again. I had to down and up the stairs like 3 times every day, and also you can accidentallly fall out the building if you climb over the concrete/cement barrier that's like an adult's waist heigh (it was probably 7 year old me's shoulder height I think, I remember looking down from like the 5th floor and have intrusive thoughts / "call of the void" about jumping down).

My grandmother didn't really have any "retirement" income like in the us, its basially just my parent supporting the grandparents. Like some money goes to the paternal family, some money goes to the maternal family. Yep that's it. You don't get a "SSI" or "Retirement Income". Probably the main reason why my parents decided to violate the one child policy and gave birth to me; my mother always says she loves me or “世上只有妈妈好” (some lullaby thing that means "your mother (and they mean biological mother) is the only person in the world that is good") and like idk wtf that's supposed to mean... like does abusive mothers no exist? Sound like some filial piety indoctrination to make you be obedient, but the way I see it she only gave birth to me is because she has twice the income when she grows older and need me and my brother to support them (and also if one of us dies, she still has someone to provide their "retirement income")

That tiny apartment unit was also the place where I had my first "adverse childhood event". My older brother was trying to fight me and I got scared and I ran away from home, and the reason I got so scared is because my brother has already tied me up with fucking zipties once before; and after my mom found me, she told me that "I could've been kidnapped" and she blames me for it. BITCH I was a kid and scared and my brother was trying to beat me, WTF did you expect me do to? Still terrifying to think about, I hate thinking about China, bring up bad memories.

And also I have random existential crisis about the one child policy thing. There is a timeline where the government caught my mother and forced and abortion. So yea I just keep ruminating on the "what if" sceanrio. Like how the fuck am I alive, I wasn't even supposed to exist. Idk what to think about that, maybe if I didn't get born, I didn't have to endure all this abuse.

TLDR: Never entering mainland China again. I dispise that place.