this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
20 points (76.3% liked)

Asklemmy

43941 readers
486 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
20
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by shapis@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
 

I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

I am a straight male

Being straight doesn't impact what your pronouns are! Your gender, whether you are cis, non-binary, trans, or any other gender identity is what determines these pronouns.

are my pronouns he/him?

Probably but thats up to you. Usually pronouns are given in that order as a matter of standardisation for understanding where they go in a sentence. Ie "He is going to the store" or "it all comes down his choice." Obviously this leaves out some other gendered standard pronouns like formal Sirs and Ma'ams but for most conversation knowing she/her or they/them gets you most of the way there. For standard ones it might be intuitive but for people with neo-pronouns it helps a lot.

do you tell people when you meet them?

Sometimes. I try to do it more these days as a matter of course but usually I will give them when I'm in an environment where some people do and don't where no one does. They are in my email signatures and real social media bios though.

Online rules

At least on your profile somewhere. I like Hexbear's "no exceptions they will be in your name" policy, its better for uptake and helps people feel included.

figuring out others

If it isn't clear you could always ask. If you aren't a dick about it then it's usually fine. If you get corrected though the most respectful thing you could do is just say sorry and use the right ones from that point on.

non conventional pronouns

Yes people do use them, if you are in places that queer people go to or feel comfortable you are more likely to meet someone with them. I would argue its more polite to refer to them as neo pronouns but I also have boring ones so its not really my place to say. If you look around hexbear there are a couple of frequent posters with neo pronouns and I've known a few people irl to use neo pronouns as well.