this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2025
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Fathers versus childless men, rather than husbands vs unmarried men. Telling.
It's a wildly different thing, though.
Married vs. unmarried means you have a companion, but you still got the same demands on your life as before. You might have to arrange schedules, but that's about it. Your day has just as much free time as before, you can stay out just as long as before and your social opportunities aren't restricted due to the fact that you are married.
In fact, there's no difference at all between married vs. unmarried and in a relationship vs single. Getting married changes nothing in that regard.
Having kids, on the other hand, changes everything. Now your social activities are limited by your responsibilities towards the child(ren). Can't stay out until 2am if you know the kids will be awake at 7am and will wake you up 3 times in between. Can't take a random day off and do a day trip if the kid needs to be at school that day. Can't visit friends after work together with your partner if the kid needs to be in bed at 7pm. It's a massive limiter on social opportunities.
At the same time, spending time with the kids is pretty great in its own right, and that's what the article touches upon. If you are married but don't have kids, you might get your fill with your partner after work. If you have 5h or so every day with your partner from getting back from work until going to bed, that's a ton of quality time.
But if you return from work at 5pm and the kids go to bed at 7pm, then pretty much all the interaction you get is eating and preparing the kids for bed.
As a father, working from home means I can see my kids grow up, especially in their earlier years. It means I was there when they took their first steps. I'm there when they start talking. I can actually spend time with them, get close to them, be part of them growing up. I'm there when they cry, when they say the funniest stuff. You know, be with them when it matters.
With my wife, on the other hand, as much as I love her, I'm not going to miss a ton of really important things if I'm not around her 24/7. On the contrary, she's happy for any bit of actual alone time she gets.
What does it tell
It's clearly telling that the study is looking at men with regards to their possession of a child or an infant of some kind, rather than regarding wether they take part in some sort of commited marital relationship or partnership
It’s a different world.
With a kid you get to know other parents, lots of social activities and people you are around.