this post was submitted on 30 May 2025
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So, evidently and before anything, this only truly affects those who have good enough relationships with their parents to grieve their loss. Some were mistreated and didn't create strong enough links, that eventually practically vanished altogether and so didn't suffer the passing of their parents as much/at all. I guess a silver lining of childhood trauma and distance is that at least you won't miss one/both parents.
I read somewhere that grief is the truest expression of love and, yeah, sure. How will I deal with my dear mom's passing, even as a quite emotionally independent guy who advises his mom more than the other way around? How can any? You just live, and remember that your mom would've much rather you did something good with your life than drown in tears and despair, and you keep going. You talk about it with close ones when you're feeling sad (my mom for instance will tear up talking about her parents). Finally, and this is gonna be a tad unsavoury for the Westerner lemmy majority: you believe in God, that this whole thing wasn't all for nothing and that God will take good care of his (mostly observational experiment?) subjects, and so you'll meet again cause who mourns a troublemaker that even God in all His mercy rejected? And that keeps you going for yet another day. Who knows, maybe it's true? 🤷😅 I believe so, lol, and certainly am on Voltaire's side of the "religion question".
You don't have to believe in god to believe that this whole thing wasn't all for nothing. I don't believe in god and I got through the death of my mother in 2009, father in 2014, and best friend of ~25 years in 2019 (a period during which I was a pretty committed atheist.) It's enough to know that their lives had meaning to me and to others, and that they would want me to carry on with my life rather than wallowing in sorrow and grief.
That's fantastic, and perhaps you don't need to but it can certainly help. And I'm sorry for your repeated losses in the span of a decade, truly.
Sure, I get that it helps people and I don't begrudge them that. Just seems like a weirdly specific thing to add to a list of things to deal with grief. 'Believe in something' I would get, 'Believe in this specific thing' struck me as a little odd.
And thanks, it was a rough 10 years, but I'm doing much better now.
Atheist married to a Catholic here: It’s not odd for religious people to share their religious perspective. It’s inextricably part of the fabric of their life and their worldview, and for them it’s relevant to the question OP asked.
No, it's not odd for people to share their religious perspective. I do, however, find it a little odd for people to offer it as specific advice for how to cope with grief to randos on the internet whose beliefs you have no idea about. Hence my suggestion of the more general 'believe in something.'
Okay but you don’t find it odd but you described it as “weird”-ly specific. My advice is relax and remember that just because someone mentions Jesus in front of you doesn’t mean you’re being assaulted. It goes both ways too — just because you mention atheism in a room full of religious people is no cause for you to feel sheepish. This is the equilibrium you should strive for.
Uhh, ok, simmer down there champ, we need to clear some things up.
I once had a colleague suggest to me that once you're in the ground, that's it, you're just worm food.
Whilst I agree with that empirically, I can't shake off the thought that there's more to life than what we measure, and do believe in an afterlife of sorts; our consciousness merging into a higher one in the form of an energy captured in our interactions on this planet, or as some kind of not-yet measured 'mental wave'
In any case, I talk to gravestones when I'm there alone
Maybe there's more to us than the vessels. Why is there something instead of nothing anyway? Hehe.
And that's pretty cool, the whole talking to gravestones thing. Maybe they're not listening but it definitely helps you think, and thinking about death keeps you both grounded and gives you a better perspective on things at least (time is running out for you and everyone you love, try to make it count and get in the f'ing robot, Shinji!). I'm sure that, whether living or 'dead', any good parent would want their kid to think clearly and appreciate life. 😊
I also think that invoking their name, summons them somehow, but I do put that down to old school home grown superstition. They don't need to see me in the shower when I'm having my daily mind defrag
I like the Buddhist logic of emptiness is no ultimate being but also I’m a cyclical existencd