The Onion

They need to have rehearsed and prepared talking points because that's the only way they'll actually come across as standing for anything other than the status quo, which is deeply unpopular. Most democrats probably don't even know what they even theoretically stand for without a corporate donor explicitly telling them what to do, and most of them can't do improv on the level of even being able to make shit up or lie in the absence of that, much less to charmingly lie by omission or tell the truth by technicality.