this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2025
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chapotraphouse
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Godfrey
Gertrude
My work BFF has a geology degree and I legit call him that from time to time. I've got an ongoing bit where I am juggling several secret lives and have 2 families I'm trying to keep hidden from one another and part of it is calling people.the wrong name on purpose or pretending to forget their name. I've been there like 3 and a half years and the joke is that I'm basically a drifter stuck in a rut and in denial about it. It's a complex bit but 'errrrr....Mr. geodude there...' had been a line. We've got a server who's working in a teaching degree who spends months at a time off and the running gag for him is he gets fired and spends 2 months begging for his job back and gets rehired each time and I give him a new name and act like he's a new hire each time. He was Marcus last time, I'm thinking Siegfried for March. I have a skill for giving people totally normal names that are really funny cause they don't match the person. Nomenclative deteimism is sorts real. Like someone named Todd for sure owns a bucket hat.
I'm at a point where false modesty is pointless, I am absolutely hilarious in person. I've got bits down and have a guy who works with me and plays the straight man amazingly and the rest is extremely deadpan situational wit, puns, song parodies based around whatever food I'm making if it matches a rhyme and the main one, absolutely dehydrated sarcasm that I can only get away with because everything else I say is a really sweaty joke and those hit like sniper fire amidst a mortar barrage of the rest. The Simpsons and Seinfeld are on like 6 times a day with a basic cable package when I was a kid, it's a hard thing to bring to something like stand up and improv comedy is a cesspool, but give me a sketch troupe or as a dream, let me write for and with the kids in the hall. That's really the core of my jokes.
That might be the nicest thing someone has said about my joke making just cause you analyzed what I'm doing damn well. I've got Bender from Futurama lovable scamp appeal, so I'd be breaking kayfabe to be self deprecating in certain situations, I have reminding everyone that I'm secretly dumb as hell any time I fuck up part of an order (I work the window in aa kitchen). While doing buts it's my job to take take fall by being too confident when it's my turn. If you're an rlm fan, I'm a Mike and I have my own rich Evans at work and we got thatt rhythm. And then there's just asking people Eric Andre interview questions during super quiet periods. I was recently impressed by a guy who when the place was empty and it has been dead silence and chopping forever he just deadpanned "So, no judgement, what's your favorite race?" He's Cuban, I was the only white guy there, and the other 2 there were Japanese and Phillipino. I felt like a martial arts master passing on a secret move. How to read a room in a way to tell a potentially terrible joke in a way that is situationally funny as hell.
It brought the house down.
Tonight the same Cuban guy told me a joke I told a couple days ago has just been sticking with him and making him laugh at random times since. We work at an Italian restaurant and I said 'Do you know what they call a poor neighborhood in Italian?' 'nope' 'The spaghetto'. One time a server asked for an egg to make some weird cocktail and I asked 'chicken?' And she asked sincerely if we had other eggs and I said I'd found a sweet nest of crow eggs on my smoke break and they're in the walk in. She believed me.
People pay a lot more attention room to intonation than the content of speech thsn you'd think. Add the slightest plausibility and you can fuck with people. I told a dude that lentils got their name because they were one of the staple crops eaten during lent inidwvsl times. I'm generally also chock full of interesting info like that and I feel like seeing if I can slip in some absolute bullshit is fun for me but also good cause I've noticed that even though I am giving good Intel, that reputation of being knowledgeable means people will just believe you without investigation and feeding people a line of bullshit here and there which I do say was bullshit soon after is kinda good practice for showing people they'll believe whatever crap is served up to them if it's done right. I don't want inherent trust, I want my trust verified, I think it stands up to scrutiny.
When distracted, kinda.
Godefroy