this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)
submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

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[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 days ago

One of the cornerstones of a good "romantic" relationship is friendship. I personally don't believe a relationship can survive without it. My wife is many things to me, one of which is my best friend.

Building friendships is a process that takes time and can't be forced. So don't put too much pressure on one evening. Don't worry about where you're going to be with this person in a week or a month. You have no way of knowing that. Dates are just opportunities for you both to get to know each other, share experiences that you enjoy and just have fun in general.

Even "normal" people don't feel physical attraction constantly. My wife still loves me even when I'm not particularly sexy and vice versa. Besides, real beauty is more than skin deep.

You'll need to have an open, honest discussion about expectations if you ultimately want to keep seeing each other but that's a conversation for another day. This time, just try to relax and have fun.