this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)
submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

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[–] athairmor@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Don’t over think it. You’re going for a walk and the other person is going on the same walk. Talk about your experience on the walk, ask about theirs. Let conversation happen.

If you’re going to be attracted to this person, you’ll know.

It’s possible that you’re just asexual like 1 out of every 100 people. It’s possible that there are circumstances of your past that contribute to this and your social anxiety. A therapist should be able to help sort that out.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Yes we actually "met" on a website for asexual people which I why I feel a lot less pressure in this sort of scenario than way back when I went on a date with a non-asexual person. Weirdly though, a lot of asexual people still want to make out and have sex, but in general it's not as much as non-asexuals. Thank you, though. I will try to just enjoy the walk and chat.

[–] classic@fedia.io 3 points 5 days ago

Especially given this context, maybe you can be upfront about your uncertainties with them?