this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2024
117 points (85.0% liked)
196
16724 readers
2240 users here now
Be sure to follow the rule before you head out.
Rule: You must post before you leave.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
you are right, there is not much reclamatory or rebellious on a societal level about cis men (in their role as such) taking up the space they need and even less so, when they take up more space than they need.
i think it is still positive when people - including cis men - overcome their insecurities and take care of themselves. but i understand if that is not what you meant with your post.
i would give the commenter the benefit of the doubt tho and assume that they are not a troll as well as even restrain from assuming their gender and therefore the reclamatory value of their action.
personally, i still struggle with internalizing that i can sit comfortably on public transport without that invalidating my feminitiy or making me a toxically masculine man
I've been a man for most of my life. It hurts my feelings when people say "cis men don't deserve this or that privilege" cause I've been there. Everyone deserves the privilege of living in comfort, even the stinky, evil cis men.
Uh, that is to say I agree with you.
this is pretty much what i intended with my comment.
I spent most of my life with undiagnosed autism which i've now realized resulted in me experiencing quite a bit of trauma i never even realized was out of the norm, and i'm so utterly fucking sick of people latching on to features that are associated with privilege as if that somehow guarantees the person cannot have experienced bad things.
I've also as of late started realizing i'm not quite as straight as i thought i was, and how delayed that realization has been due to people assuming i'm straight and therefore a bit of an other in many leftist communities.
No, fuck this self-segregation, we're all people and the only grouping that matters is that between the proletariat and the bourgeois.
This is where i run out of brainpower a bit, but i'm gonna finish the comment and hope this makes some sense:
I think the idea of being privileged for a trait you didn't choose is itself reinforcing privilege, it makes people who are viewed as privileged think that's what they are and thus they can't have "unprivileged" traits, if everyone calls you a straight cis white man then you're not going to feel like you're allowed to explore yourself and realize that you're not really that straight, or you'd actually prefer to be a woman or not have a gender at all.
If we want an inclusive and just world, we have to remove barriers between people, we have to make everyone feel part of the same group so that we can work together instead of working against each other.
In a world dominated by, among other things, cis heteronormative patriarchy, it would just be nice, for once, to have a conversation not taken over and derailed by a member of a dominant group wanting to make it all about them (or to have to list a bunch of caveats and stipulations in advance to try and avoid these situations, just for them to be ignored anyway).
As a rule I don't gender people unless they've made their gender clearly known, or, very rarely, if they've given me glaring contextual clues. You're absolutely right of course that having testicles doesn't mean someone is a man, but barging in to a conversation by and for marginalised people about taking up space in the world that marginalises us, to make it about their act of marginalisation, is a classic cis man move. They don't even have to mean to dominate every space they come across and try to centre themsleves in it, which just goes to show how ingrained the entitlement is.
Do I think I was wrong about that person? No, I really don't.
Do I regret how my reply has impacted you and potentially others? Yes, that wasn't my intention and I apologise.