this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2024
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You're being down voted, but I mostly agree with you. Putting your kids through the issues of your failing relationship isn't doing them any good either. There's no good answer, but staying for your children is often putting them through even more trauma than the divorce would.
My child seems to be in a reasonably healthy relationship. It's a wonder since I put them through a few bad ones, but I eventually left. They've been in a stable relationship for five years. I don't pry much and I pray they aren't staying because they feel they'd flounder, otherwise. Their partner is a good person, in not implying they aren't. Compatibility is a thing, common interests are necessary.
Yeah, it's possible for sure. I know I for one have issues caused by my parents constant arguing and issues (and they somehow aren't divorced, though I believe that should be). Sometimes people go through hell and come out better for it, but I don't think we should expect that.
Oh I'm amazed. They're truly accomplishing the Great Work.
Yes, because if the nonabusive parent can find a nonabusive partner, that gives a kid a chance with a true loving home and a way to learn prosocial behaviors and how to have a truly respectful and loving relationship. You can't change that they have an abusive parent, but you can help them learn how to not accept that abuse and not perpetuate it.
Like if I leave my husband who hit me, I'm showing my daughter to do that if her boyfriend ever hits her. If I stay, I'm just teaching her to endure abuse. It's the same if Dad does it, too - he's a role model as well. And further, this excuse is the exact one men DM me before asking to cheat on their wives ('shes crazy and im just staying for the kids') so I frankly have zero tolerance for it. Grow a backbone and some morals and get a divorce. You're not helping your kids, you're helping yourself.