this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2023
387 points (96.9% liked)
Asklemmy
43945 readers
650 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
The shock gave me a fever that stayed with me for two weeks and I felt really tired, so I went to bed at like 8pm on most nights. Saw a therapist (wasn't much help, but it was worth a shot). Told my boss about it who said I could take any time off that I needed. Told my coworkers so they'd know why I might not be working full time and would have trouble concentrating in the upcoming weeks. It was a relief that I didn't have to be at the top of my game at work and nobody would judge me.
It got better after about three months. She kept doing new things that hurt me though so the pain kept returning for a full year, until it finally sunk in that she can't be trusted and we'll never become friends again. At that point I just tried to let her know as little as possible about my life, to give her fewer ways to hurt me. We still have to talk because we have shared custody of two kids.
Several years later I started seeing a therapist again because I just couldn't stop feeling recurrent anger and anxiety related to her. After telling the therapist about everything that had happened they basically said I shouldn't see my ex at all. Not let her into my home, and when I leave the kids with her I can say goodbye to them at the parking lot. It took so much weight off my shoulders when I didn't have to force myself to act like we were close friends in front of the kids.
Moral of the story: Go no contact and fully accept right now that you're never going back. Begin anew. You have your whole life in front of you.