Asklemmy

hard for me to connect with others. Everything I do feels forced

Does this interaction you have here with random people feel forced? It doesn't look like it does from your replies. It doesn't look like you have trouble connecting with people here either.

If I'm wrong about that, the following will feel hollow/bad/be contra productive, but I'm reasonably sure about it... it doesn't feel like that here because you can just be honest about everything since we're just a bunch of anonymous strangers and you don't have to worry about us at all. You can just be like you are and feel like you feel without any compromises. You said in another comment that you've talked to your sister and best friend about it, and literally said "they need to sleep so I'm also trying not to bother them too much right now". Of course I don't know your best friend and sister. But literally everyone I know would drop almost anything they're doing and invite me over or come over to me if I needed it this badly like you need it right now. You are allowed and I encourage you very much to take this support from people. If you think about it, wouldn't you do the same for them? Why would you do that for them? It's very likely they feel exactly the same way and actually want to help you in any way they can. If I personally think about it, a night's sleep, even multiple, would not even register as a reason to maybe not support my friends in any way I can.

So this is what I do when this happens. It literally happened about 7 months ago, not quite in the extreme and sudden way like it did for you, but it still hurts like hell. I went to all my friends and talked to them about it, as much as I needed. They offered a lot, but even what they didn't immediately offer, I asked for what I needed. Someone to hold me, and other things. And there was not even a hesitation in them doing whatever I asked. I held nothing back.

I'm in a (relatively) good place now.

Everything I feel was/is valid, everything I asked for I would have gladly done the same for any of them. I say that it's the same for you. Everything you feel is valid. Everything you need is valid. Take the support you need. I think this thread here is already perfect, you're doing stuff to get yourself help. Mutual help is what the human race is all about (well, often at least). Feeling lonely is your body telling you to connect with others, so do it. More. As much as you need.

Edit: your best friend and sister are autonomous people. They will tell you if they don't/can't do something for you. So even if something was a problem for them, it's their responsibility to tell you. Don't preemptively say "I don't want to bother them". I'm very sure they want to be bothered, even though I don't know them. But even if not, you always "bother" them first, and let them tell you if it's actually a bother.