this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2023
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I’m 46. I had some really bad breakups in my life, was alone for a couple of years. Until I met my (now) wife just 4 years ago. This changed everything because it made me realize that what I thought to be love before was just a shadow of what love truly is.
Keep looking forward and do not torture yourself over what could have been or what went wrong. Nothing went wrong. It’s just life that happened. There will be some amazing person out there and you just haven’t stumbled upon this person yet.
It’s ok to grief a bit. That’s healthy. But look forward and do not hurt yourself in the process.
Look I had a similar experience and everytime I end a relationship I take the person out of my life. I know you want to look his social media, to send emails and messages, and you will if you don't cut it out. Delete and block is my first and only recomendation. There is nothing anyone can do for you now but it will last a lot less if you block and delete, from everywhere. At the beggining when our mutual friends would try to talk about him I would cut them off "That's the past, lets change the subject".
I know you want to know about him and talk, but don't. If you do that next week will be a lot easier.
That’s the thing. He doesn’t want me to completely go because he values our friendship and the things we have built together. He said it’s okay whatever I decide, but that’s a horrible decision to have to make. I know blocking him and walking away will hurt him as a friend as well. Thankfully I’m not really active on social media and I am not the type to snoop or anything. I know no contact is probably the better route, but now I feel like I’m also letting myself and my work down
As someone who went through pretty much the same thing (she broke up with me and was confused why I was sad about it and wanted us to stay friends at first), he is not your friend. Assuming this breakup was not consensual, this is not something a friend does to someone, and you should not take any heed to his "feelings as a friend". It sounds harsh, but with breaking up with you he not only ended the relationship but also the friendship.
In my own experience, I was only able to move on from my last long term relationship after I accepted that we were not friends, she did not value and respect me and any progress I could make as a person are when cutting her out of my life completely. It took me a few months to get there, and I am better than ever a few more months after that. Before that point, I was constantly in pain and barely functioning, but after the decision to view my ex-partner as culpable for what transpired, I was able to heal and move on.
Hey, I am im the same position, 2 months ago my gf of 7 years broke up and said she would like to stay friends because she still likes me as a person. DON'T DO IT! As much as you may want to keep your ex in your life, and as much you still love your ex and don't want to hurt them, you have to put yourself first now. You are the one who was hurt the most here and you have to take care of your healing. First step for that is to tell your ex exactly that, and that you will block them from now on. If it helps, then think that this may only be temporary, maybe in some months or a year or whenever you can open contact again. But for the Tims being the most important thing is that you don't hear from them because that only reopens your wounds. A stupid way to trick your brain stick to no contact: Mark each day without contact in your calendar, and set goals like " 1 week without contact", "1 month without conctact" etc where you will get yourself a treat once you managed to achieve them. When you are at a low point where you are really sad and lonely and want to contact your ex (this will happen, trust me), the thought of "ruining your streak" will make you think twice if you really want to do it. Its really stupid but it works for me. As I said, my gf broke up 2 months ago but I only started blocking her about 5 weeks ago, and with this trick I managed to not relapse once. Hang in there :)
I'm sorry but looking from the outside he doesn't look like your friend. Also It's always good to keep you on the bench in case it doesn't work with his new babe. There is no friendship in your heart, there is love, the only way you can keep a real friendship with him is getting way and rebuilding your relationship as friends later, when you are both over it. So step way now for your own sake, you don't have to fight but don't fall for the friends thing now
Crying is a natural and healthy response - it's something to accept while your body catches up.