Tagged as NSFW because this level of nonsense is a cognito hazard. Found through a retweet of a Xitter post of a Reddit post of Facebook discussion. If shares this, please keep the repost count up to date. Ty! π
I've been wanting to create a community for this sort of "so wrong they're right" shit from right wingers. It wouldn't just be queer related, but about any instance of conservative logic accidentally pointing to the truth. It'd be stuff like this:
The only issue is that I dislike figuring simple tech stuff out, so I'll never get around to doing it. It's just a chore, even if it isn't hard or I know how to do it. I pick my fights with ADHD, and creating a community to run isn't a top priority π
As a 6 foot tall gay man with feminine clavicles and hip to waist ratio, is my dick a figment of my imagination??
Human variation is so much greater than their tiny gender dichotomy theory can contain, so they resort to Olympic Level Mental Gymnastics. Like, this is gold medal worthy crazy.
It was obviously surgically attached while you were a baby. It all makes sense now!
That makes a lotta sense! Born naturally, had a cock bolted on, and then they signed the birth cert. Boom. Straight to gay pipeline confirmed. These Texas doctors sure are shady for doing that to me.
Now if only there were an explanation for my full Irish beard.
The doctors must have taped a beard onto you when you were a baby
Let's see who's under this beard..
Yoink
OLD MAN JENKINS?!?
"And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling bigots!"
If you've got a line down your sack that's one of the signs of a surgically attached penis. You should sue the hospital you were born in for forcing their agenda on you.
Fuck, can you imagine if it was? One day you wake up and boom, you realize you don't actually have a dick. Did you just imagine it your whole life? Did some really fucked up person kidnap you and remove it while you slept? Is there actually a god and he's a dick who's messing with you? Maybe you spent your whole life knowing you didn't have one and for some reason woke up falsely remembering having one?
"WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE'S MY DICKβ½β½" you shout, holding open the waistband of the worn flannel pajama bottoms you've had since you were in highschool. Feeling around gingerly, there's nothing. No blood, no stitches, and above all no dick. You're a fucking Kenβ’ doll. How could this happen? Who did this to you?
You hear a clicking noise under your bed, and gingerly lean your head over the side to peek underneath. As your nervous eyes struggle to pierce the gloom, a shadow stirs and grows. Your former cock and balls scuttle towards you, trailing dust bunnies. Too many legs click and clack on the scratched laminate "wood" floor as the now autonomous wedding tackle passes your head. The piss-filled balls slosh as the floppy fucker makes its way across the room. You jerk up in fear and cower on the bed behind a Baby Yoda pillow that forms your only shield from this monstrosity that was once an integral part of your body, part of your life.
The meat-and-two-veg come to a stop in front of the shitty Ikea dresser that you and your roommate rescued from the sidewalk when you moved in. The shaft twitches, twitches, and starts to rise in time with every hammering beat of your heart. At about half-chub, the spongy head peeks out of its turtleneck and oh God, where the pee hole should be there's an eye. AN EYE.
You scramble instinctively back into the corner, but there's nowhere to go. The eyeball rolls wildly before coming to an abrupt stop to point right at you. A scream comes unbidden to your lips, but as you open your mouth to let it out, you feel a clawing, scrambling within your mouth as your tongue erupts in horrible pointy legs.
Or you wake up with a bad hangover and find that itβs missing again. It happens all the time, itβs detachable. It comes in handy a lot of the time, you can leave it at home when you think itβs going to get you in trouble.