Asklemmy

43945 readers

555 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

Is any body able to provide some advice to help my friend through a bad patch? (discuss.tchncs.de)

submitted 6 months ago by dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

13 comments fedilink hide all child comments

So I’m a bit of a degenerate but making better choices lately and sort of getting things on track.

My friend had some health issues and had to stop working, my other friend now does all the labour, and he just runs the business.

He then split with his partner who he has children, as frankly he would never be at home and it was always going to happen.

I just found out the health condition has gotten worse and he will have to lose a leg. He never improved his diet, kept hitting the coke hard and gambling. So recently he has gambled away £35,000 and had a breakdown with another friend.

How do I even be there for him and keep him on a good path, providing he is open to change.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for responding.

I appreciate your comment and you’ve hit on a good point in that I don’t think I am in a stable place right now.

I am on the right trajectory, but I am conscious it’s a tentative path and although my addiction was only weed, it’s had a devastating effect on my life and I think you’re spot on that I need to focus on myself, selfish isn’t always bad I guess.

That said I can recruit other friends to be there for this friend.

[–] OpenStars@startrek.website 3 points 6 months ago

I am not the person you replied to but I wanted to echo and extend their statement: you may need to come to terms with the fact that you might not have the capability to help your friend, and it's even possible that nobody does, unless and until they become receptive to that kind of aid.

I am not saying to do nothing, but do be aware of that, e.g. if you give them money and they gamble it away, will you just keep giving them money until neither of you has any at all? And then repeat for every single one of your friends as well?

Decide what you can do and what you cannot. In any case you may not be able to "save" him - that is something that as an adult he needs to do for himself, and may resent you for even trying?