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What person can help me sort out the big picture of my life? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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21M, my life right now is such a mess.

My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can't decide how to fit each into my future, I'm struggling & demotivated at university, and I've had no success dating and just can't figure out why.

I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I'm afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I'm AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I'd stay stuck where I am.

What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people's life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I'm looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.

What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.

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[–] Zozano@lemy.lol 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Two things:

It sounds like you are blaming yourself, which is hard not to do when everything seems futile - but how you frame things is part of CBT.

You are responsible for the choices you make, but there's a difference between learning, and beating yourself up.

Once you understand the underlying causes for your decisions, you become a different person, and it becomes harder to associate those old thoughts to who you are now.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Be cautious of anyone who will accept the task.

I used to think my parents had shit figured out, then I realised how dumb they were.

Then I thought I had shit figured out, then I realised how dumb I was.

Then I thought I found my own guru who had shit figured out, but then I realised how dumb they were.

If you get lucky and find someone who provides valuable insights, understand this is gambling - eventually they will give bad advice.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 points 7 months ago

Once you understand the underlying causes for your decisions, you become a different person

Mmmm, I hadn't noticed this