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What person can help me sort out the big picture of my life? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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21M, my life right now is such a mess.

My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can't decide how to fit each into my future, I'm struggling & demotivated at university, and I've had no success dating and just can't figure out why.

I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I'm afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I'm AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I'd stay stuck where I am.

What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people's life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I'm looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.

What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.

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[–] rollingflower@lemmy.kde.social 3 points 7 months ago

What are you doing right now, why are you doing it and what do you want to do?

You seem similar to me. If you look 5 years into the future, what are the things you will want to have achieved since then?

People like us always find small tasks and achievements but they often dont matter. We may pile up tasks and todos for things we dont need.

Remove everything from your life that you dont need. And then everything that you wouldnt take with you, if it was a kinda urgent situation. You will feel free and do just what you really need.

At the same time, doing silly things is called a "hobby" and can be satisfying. Maybe ask yourself "is this pleasure or distraction?"

For finding people, I never succeeded with online dating too, but often just in situations where similar people meet, randomly. Dating on purpose is not natural and I think I would be uncomfortable meeting so many new people with that intention.