Honestly, yeah sometimes. It's my emotional reflex to frustration that was programmed into me by my parents and I haven't done enough cognitive behavioral therapy to undo it.

[–] RustyShackleford@programming.dev 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

As someone who discovered my Type 1 ASD at 40, the gods know that I have a lot more work to do on my self-awareness and abrasiveness.

Not saying you should adopt this, but sometimes I read aloud what I type and imagine myself replying to a student in real life in the way of and with the tone that people sometimes have on StackOverflow.

My gut reaction at that point, usually, is to rewrite a response or post completely with a more generous dose of humility and compassion.

I don't always get it right, but when I remember to do that and read replies, I like myself a little bit more.

[–] RadicalEagle@lemmy.world 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I've been thinking about this a bit more, and I realized that I talk to other people the way I talk to myself. This probably wouldn't be a problem if I weren't so critical of myself.

I think I need to not only put in the effort to reread the things I write when communicating with others, but also to just be kinder to myself in my internal monologue.

I spend too much time being frustrated inside my own head, and that makes it easy to use that same tone when I'm interacting with other people.

Thanks for sharing your advice. I think verbalizing my thoughts the way you suggested will be really helpful.

[–] RustyShackleford@programming.dev 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

This probably wouldn't be a problem if I weren't so critical of myself.

Same.

I spend too much time being frustrated inside my own head, and that makes it easy to use that same tone when I'm interacting with other people.

Same.

My Dad's neighbors always say:

Hurt people hurt people.

And as a counterpoint to that, from Slavoj Zizek:

Never presume that your suffering is, in itself, a proof of your authenticity.

Just because we wrestle with ourselves internally, it doesn't justify our perniciousness to others.

Uncle Iroh nailed it:

Sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.

I just don't wanna sound like an asshole when I attempt to do that!

[–] bleistift2@feddit.de 3 points 8 months ago

It’s not about feeling better. It’s about getting the other person to understand that Google exists and that they can use it, too. Too many people refuse to put in any effort of their own and go ask someone instead.

IMHO in that situation answering isn’t even the right thing to do, since it encourages that behaviour and prevents the asker from learning to find out stuff for themselves. Something about fishing for hungry people or so…

When someone is genuinely stuck, doing research themselves allows the answerer not to go down the same dead ends, which saves time for both.