this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2024
1048 points (98.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

32571 readers
142 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] sxan@midwest.social 156 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (23 children)

Go is like snakes: you're hatched from an egg and pretty much effective from the get-go. The older you get, the bigger prey you can eat, but otherwise things don't change much since you were hatched. Your species can thrive in almost any environment, you're effective, you have all the tools you need straight out of the egg.

Rust is like humans. There's a huge incubation period, and you're mostly helpless when you're born, but the older you get, the more effective you become with the tools nature graced you with. And you, like Thanos, are inevitable, even if it does mean the death of billions.

Python is like beaver. Everyone has an opinion about you: some think you're cute, some think you're wierd. You're perfectly suited to your environment, but things get awkward outside of your natural habitat - you can function, but not as well as when you're in your comfort zone. And when people encounter you where they're not expecting, they can be unpeasantly surprised, and you can cause them trouble.

C++ is like platypus. You resemble some other more simple, some might say sane, animal, but developed into a sort of frankenstein monster creature made from a jumble of parts and a stinger that, when it kills someone, comes as a shock. Every part of you serves some purpose, even if it seems tacked-on and out of place.

Then there's Node. You are everywhere. You are legion. You fill up ecosystems. People try to defend you, claiming that you serve some purpose in the foodchain, but there's scant evidence. Attempts to eradicate you fail. You often spread deadly disease. You breed, rapidly, persistently, relentlessly. You are widely hated, and yet everwhere.

Edit: typo

[–] CanadaPlus 22 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

So then I guess C is salamander. Also lays eggs and lives by a pool, but doesn't do anything extra, and is a necessary step before most of the other modern languages.

COBOL is a coelacanth. To everyone's surprise, they're still out there. We thought they were an old, very extinct example of a non-terrestrial lobe-finned fish, but they actually hung on in some odd environments. They cause massive indigestion to anyone that has to consume them.

If Node is a mosquito, Javascript itself is another hymenopteran: the yellow jacket wasp. Just as hated, and with a tendency to injure handlers, but widely successful and defended as filling an actual useful role in nature. They build delicate, arguably pretty nests.

[–] sxan@midwest.social 7 points 9 months ago

I especially enjoyed your COBOL metaphor. Nicely done!

[–] aidan@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Nobody who has seen a yellow jacket nest in person would argue they're pretty.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I literally have one in a jar on a shelf, actually. I find it kind of delicate and wispy. The inside parts are uglier, but still very interesting.

[–] aidan@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago
load more comments (20 replies)