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This is not a real news article but we'll allow it in this instance because it sheds light on very real issues.
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“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.
Damn these guys are good. Managing to satirize the media, take a hands-off approach, and still raise valid points all in a couple paragraphs.
Perhaps some evidence there still is some life in the onion, even if its been sitting in the pantry a little too long and starting to look a little sketchy.
Trump admin was a little too insane to satirize effectively, I think. They try to stay playful while biting, with only the occasional blunt headline.
Basically, Trump only deserved single-entendre, and that's not really what they do.
The Onion has been killing it recently. They must have gotten new writers cuz they seemed to fall away for awhile. They're definitely back on top now though.
I hear someone dipped their roots in a glass of water
Man every once in a while The Onion demonstrates how satire is supposed to be used. This is remarkable.
This is a fraught moment, and one that has polarized not only Americans but people all over the world. It demands incredible sensitivity and strict adherence to journalistic standards of objectivity, and simply put, that is something we aren’t willing to do. Rather, we’re just going to say The Onion expresses its steadfast solidarity with Israel and leave it at that.
Damn they're on fire lol.
Small detail some might miss, one of the editorial board signatures is Ted Kaczynski.
Brilliant paragraph:
“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.
Nice detail on the signature.
Btw the latin they sign off with 'Tu stultus es' is gramatically badly written Latin saying 'You are stupid'.
Romanes eunt domus
Writing like that is why the Onion is the greatest satire publication in the world.
Good satire but it's a bit hard to laugh for me, because it just reminds me how shitty people are leading the societies here on dumb Earth.
I think it's sad how a good ruler is the exception rather than the norm.
It sucks that we are not allowed to call bad ideas, bad ideas. Especially when it comes to Israel. Criticism is always antisemitism. I'm sorry I don't believe any country should be able to start an ethnostate and drive millions of people out of an area they have lived for what? Thousands of years? What does Israel think is going to happen? They are teaching a whole new generation to hate them. (as if they already diddnt) This will just cause more terrorist cells to pop up and work to kill more innocent people.
All in the name of some sky daddy. The only reason the US supports Israel is because some 2000 year old work of fiction wrote some doomsday prophecy.
I'm trying to work out why the US is sending an arms package to Israel. The US has already provided Israel with the highest level of technology for its armed forces. It can wipe out it's neighbours several times over. The world is pleading with Israel to show restraint, and the US is saying "have more missiles, please".
Yes. This isn't Ukraine fighting off a bigger invading army. Presumably, Israel has enough weapons and ammunition to fight a war against Lebanon, Egypt, and their other hostile neighbours. Their plan for ~~ethnic cleansing~~ militant suppression in Gaza surely won't do much to deplete those reserves.
This is Israel invading a tiny slice of land that has no army. Sure, there are some militants there, clearly they have some weapons, but is there ever going to be an actual justification for things like artillery or tank shells?
I mean, we all know Israel is going to use them, but they're going to be using them against civilian infrastructure. And, if Israel is using so many shells that they run out, should the US really be supplying artillery that is 100% going to be used against civilian targets, because there's literally nothing else to attack in Gaza? If Israel uses so much ammo that it depletes their reserves and threatens their ability to fight a war with Egypt and Lebanon, well shouldn't Israel show some restraint and not do that?
I’m trying to work out why the US is sending an arms package to Israel.
Because, despite the hundreds of billions in murder-toy allowance the US has given Israel, the Palestinians have pretty much proved with this latest attack that it's not enough to secure the normalization of the kapo regime's existence.
I'm getting Tet offensive vibes from all this... and the fact that the US is quickly shoving large naval units into the area just strengthens it.
SkyDaddy sure, but don't forget American currency is tied to this destruction as well. We didn't didn't hustle out those 8-10 bill boats out there because we are fanboys of Bebe. Nothing good ever comes out of messing around in the Middle East. Nothing. It was a mistake for the US to get this involved.
USA support isn't about any god or ethical stance, it's about raw geopolitical interests, about maintaining power and hegemony. Israel is a key ally for them in the Middle East, while Palestina is an ally to Iran, which is an ally to Russia and China. Neither of them give a shit about who lives or dies, all of them make human sacrifices on a daily basis. Cold war never ended, and now it's just getting hotter.
One guess as to who gets to define the meaning of the term antisemitism, too: “a certain perception of Jews, which may be expressed as hatred toward Jews. Rhetorical and physical manifestations of anti-Semitism are directed toward Jewish or non-Jewish individuals and/or their property, toward Jewish community institutions and religious facilities.”
Censorship of antigovernment criticism is common in China, North Korea, Russia and other authoritarian states, which include Israel and the United States of America.
Honestly the popular support from the people who can't point to Israel on a map is religious.
The governmental support definitely is not based on religion. The US makes semiconductor tech there and Israel is one giant front-line fortress for us. Israel is the Middle Eastern outpost analog to all of the East Asian allies who are littered with US military bases.
My parents and my entire family only support Israel because the Bible says "If Israel falls the world ends". It's all the religious right cares about which is a very large part of the US. All of these are just my opinion and i love constuctive conversation. It's really a massive mix of things and just for me to minimize it to religion isnt exactly right.
I always heard it the other way around. That restoring Israel would bring about the End Times, but also that the End Times are a good thing because it means the Kongdom of God will finally be realized. I went to a pentecostal summer camp, though, so that might have something to do with it.
I bet God's dick is so big that when He wears protection it's called the Kongdom of God
Lol, didn't even notice. I'm leaving it
It sucks that we are not allowed to call bad ideas, bad ideas. Especially when it comes to Israel. Criticism is always antisemitism. I'm sorry I don't believe any country should be able to start an ethnostate and drive millions of people out of an area they have lived for what? Thousands of years?
You literally just did the thing you said "you aren't allowed to do". What is going to happen to you now?
Good point, I'm not really talking about here anonymous on lemmy. Talking about other social media sites, Facebook, reddit, in rl to coworkers and at least my family.
Ah, an honest journalism at last
The onion's writers are far more honest and brave than the majority of western media outlets too.
Wait so does he get a prize?
Yes, a bullet to the brain courtesy of Israeli militants abroad.
I want his babies
I got permanently banned from /r/worldnews because criticizing Israel is "misinformation"
Lol! I got banned off r/worldnews for that exact same thing three days ago. Got permabanned off reddit this morning.
The rivets are coming off their old propaganda machine in regards to Israel, and they are desperate to plug all the holes.
I got banned from Reddit permanently because I had commented on an article of pertaining to enemies of the state. I said that traitors should be hung. So a bit strong but it was not directed to a particular person.
God I love the onion
Right. This was so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Not just a cheap laugh.
Ok I was ready to be disappointed but this is lengendary
It seems everyone did the same for the same reason.
Everyone is "standing" with them because they have power unlike Palestine who have none.
The onion nails it again.
I'm glad at least Krystal and Kyle are trying to throw some water of sanity on the raging wildfires of bad takes out there.
So are Cenk and Ana at TYT. Please give them a listen. 6pm EST / 3PM PST daily on YouTube for the main show.
Idek if this is a real article or an actual announcement because both would be equally fair.