Ask Lemmy

That’s the neat part, you don’t. I have three kids myself and have to act like a drill instructor at times. Food and toys are the biggest issues for me.

• I have to set rules and stay on their asses constantly, even then it’s a struggle. Biggest one is kids must eat at the dinner table, no exceptions, they’re just terrible with food and can’t be trusted.
• I’ve tried to mostly lay out my furniture such that nothing is against the walls. Kids love throwing shit behind stuff where you’ll never see it. Leaving a buffer space from the walls at least makes it easier to spot.
• Check underneath stuff often, they like sneaking food and hiding it, where it will rot and get gross.
• Telling them to clean up themselves gives mixed results, but we still try to do it often to make it a learned behavior. My sons don’t like cleaning and do a piss-poor job of it, my daughter actually likes cleaning/organizing and helps out.
• I have a bunch of storage bench/seats around for loose toys, so no matter which room we’re in, toys have a place to go, plus you can sit on them when they’re closed. We don’t have a basement, so I had to adjust to not being able just toss stuff in a basement.
• Kids can spot hypocrisy. Keep your own bedroom clean before you expect them to keep themselves clean. Lead by example.
• Once a year or so, throw out or donate old toys that nobody plays with. That stuff builds up and it’s just cluttering your house.

Hahaha lol. You can’t. Just accept that your house will never be tidy again. As my father-in-law told me, “the first fifty years are the worst”.

The only way we've kept our place livable is to get the kids to clean at an early age. If they can get a toy out, they can put it back. We started out doing most of it alongside them and giving lots of praise for every toy they move in the right direction. Then half of it alongside them while encouraging them. Now we have little helpers who will put piles of books and toys away to watch a movie, and routines of clearing the living room floor before dinner. Things aren't spotless, their play room is more piles of sorted toys than really clean and cleared, but the place is livable.

Short answer: we don't.

Long answer: clean up your shit, or your friend will not come over / your allowance this month will be going to my pocket. Do you want to eat? Help clean out the kitchen/dining table. I did place their plate of dinner food over the one from lunch that they didn't put away. They didn't like that.

It also varies a lot from kid to kid in my family. One of them is a crafter and a hoarder. Carton boxes, glue, scissors, pieces of paper, colored beads all over the room. Once in a while I tell her to clean up, and anything she doesn't, I will scoop up and throw away. Her sister has a spotless room... nothing to complain about. Their brother, every couple of days he will have a new videogame ask, or a new Minecraft server I should set up for him and his friends... Again, I will do so, when I see all the cans, plates of food and clothes on the floor put away.

Best rule is to tell them toys that are left out are in timeout for a predetermined amount of time. Not necessarily forever. But not necessarily not forever if it continues to be a problem. Have a place for things that everyone is aware of and have them work together to do a sweep every night or morning before the games begin.

This way there is cooperation and accountabillity. Do not give in when it has to be enforced

CONSTANT maintenance, and regularly weekly scheduled cleaning of each room (living room on Monday, kitchen on Tuesday, etc)

It is SO much easier to clean for 20 minutes aggregate each day than it is to clean for an hour every few days. And you're less likely to push it off when it's one simple task at a time instead of a whole house of cleaning.

Start out with one GIANT clean. Like, big-time, deep scrub, pay a cleaning service if you have to

Forever after that, do not let even the smallest mess survive long enough for another mess to be created

Dirty dishes? DIRECTLY into the dishwasher, turn it on as soon as it hits 3/4ths full so you're not playing dishwasher Tetris while extra dishes spill over into the sink

Kids' toys and grossness starting to build up in one room? Time for a family tag-team cleaning event! Put on the song you've decide is "the cleaning song", And everyone pitches in to get it done quick

These are important skills to teach your kids too. It will help them from feeling like you one day. So make sure they are aware and involved in the cleanup effort before they are allowed to do the things that make additional messes

This is not easy! It will be hard and will cause some sacrifices to be made. Like, if there is a mess that hasn't been cleaned up as expected and you're on her way to a movie? Sucks to suck. Clean first, then hope you at least only miss the previews

This ties into other parts of our psychology like delayed gratification, respect for others' things and shared spaces, community responsibility, how your actions impact others...

Get them involved ASAP, NOT EVER as a punishment but as an inevitable responsibility. "This is what we do when we make a mess. Why? Because it is kind to others and kind to our future selves"

Lastly, this is a skill you build up over time. It's not going to magically be completely fixed by This One Simple Trick That Dust Bunnies Hate™. Practice practice practice. And that applies to the kids too. One of them too young to really help clean? Give them a tiny task (can you carry that empty cardboard box from over there to over here? Good job! Thanks for helping) that makes them feel like they are participating so that "cleaning up after ourselves" is just how things are done in their world

You've got a great teaching opportunity for your kids here (and maybe even a hypothetical partner). I wish you the best of luck. This is by far one of the biggest challenges parenthood brings to the table. Know that you're not alone in the struggle.

It really depends on your level of tolerance. I recommend really developing tolerance for "things out of place" and learn not to confuse that with "dirty house."

Put some baskets out to round up toys. Involve your children in picking up. If they are old enough to pick a toy up, they're old enough to put it in the basket. But remember, toys strewn about are the sign of children who love to play, so don't let it stress you!

Do what my mom recommended: Give your house a lick and a promise! Keep floors and surfaces reasonably clear, dust at eye level and down when you have time, dust mop the floors as often as you can. Keep Lysol wipes in the bathroom and wipe the lavatory, counters and toilet daily. Those are the areas your children will come in contact with daily, so those are the areas you try to get to. Wash dishes as you go and let them drip dry...I frequently used drip dried dishes without them ever getting put away between meals! And don't stress! Kids really read our moods and it's better they have a relaxed happy momma than a spotless house.

As your kids get older, normalize their participation in keeping their living space clean.

Here is the most important and vital advice I have to give: People before things. People, even little ones, always come first. Tend to your babies and enjoy them and their little messes! I am 71 so my children are grown. They do not talk about how our ceiling fans were dusty. They talk about how I would get down on the floor and play with them, how I read to them, how I let them use couch cushions, tables, chairs and blankets to build forts.

You're in the thick of it right now, so it probably feels like this stage of your life will last forever. The days are long, but the years are short. They will be grown in a blink of your eye, so don't miss their childhood. That ceiling fan can wait!

"you don't" – my father.

Minimize the amount of things (as much as you can), designate specific areas/rooms for the piles of toys/ games where you can let things get messier and get rid of the ones nobody plays with that just take up space, get the kids into the habit of putting things back (if possible you can even have the oldest eventually 'supervise' the others as long as that doesn't lead to even worse fighting), or just pick a weekend day that you just put everything back together so at least you know you can get it back to normal and feel less bad about it when it's a horrible mess on a Thursday evening.

Also paper/plastic plates and utensils when it's all just too much. Not great for the environment but the lack of a pile of dishes may be worth a lot of mental health.

Learn to redefine "clean". You're not living in a museum. Things don't need to be pristine and dust free.

I picked a day of the week, in my case Saturday, and chose one area of the house to concentrate on. Dishes, laundry, and any other "infinite work" chores can become overwhelming quickly if they're not kept up on, so there are frequently days where that's the only house work that gets done.

The unpopular truth here is that if you value cleanliness enough for this to bother you, you probably should have considered this well before your third kid. Just do yourself a favor and never, ever resent your kids for their messes. I hope you find a way that works for you and maximizes your relationships with your children!

Like everyone is saying here, for literal cleaning (mopping, toilets, dusting, baseboards, etc.) GET HELP if you can possibly afford it, your unpaid job is mom, you can't add cleaning person to that.

For straightening get bins and give up on organizing. A bin for each kid in living room for whatever, clean clothes bin and dirty clothes bin for each kid in bedrooms, teach your kids to do laundry (my mom said anyone who can reach the knobs on the washer with a stool can learn).

Like you, I struggle with organizing and cleaning. The only way I can keep things neat is by not owning much, and yes when you have more people not much x5 or x6 is still much.

Realize nobody will judge you for a kinda messy house when you have little kids, or if they do they are delusional assholes or have wrong priorities. Neat house is not a priority, kids are.

My late mother's method was to put her children to work. From an early age we did almost all the housework - dusting, vacuuming, polishing brass, ironing, dishwashing, and helping with laundry. We hated it, but the house was always clean and tidy.

I don't have kids, so I live in mild squalor.

You have to get it CLEAN and decluttered first, this took us about 3 days. Then its being religious about doing the daily work to stop the backslide.

I also pretty much abandoned my hobbies. I threw away so much crap that I "might need" or "comes in handy" or "Ill get to it one day" too... now I have a gym bag and a pc but I also come home to a house that doesnt immediately stress me out just opening the door. I can get the kid to bed and watch tv without feeling like I'm neglecting things.

"That's the neat part!"

Well, I wait until they're in bed at about 10:30PM, then I have until about midnight to get the kitchen clean and get 6 hours of sleep before they wake up again to go to school.

Alternatively, I clean the kitchen before cooking and serve dinner at 8PM when I started at 5:30. Then it's only 30 mins of cleaning before bed.

On Saturdays, you can clean up the kitchen after breakfast, and by the time it's done you have to cook lunch. After that, there's still an hour before the shops shut so you can grab some groceries and get back in time to cook dinner.

Dad of two kids and two shedding dogs here. Following because I, too, could use some advice. Thanks for asking the question.

If you are not a neat person it's hard to change to one when you have kids. A few tricks that my wife and I learned.

Have smaller places for everything to go. We used the cube storage units, small bins etc. Young children's find things by doing the toy dump. The smaller the bin the less toys are dumped. It's amazing how much this helps. To contain the mess.

Make picking up the entire house part of the bedtime routine. It's pointless to do it in the mornings or during the day. 10 minutes later and it's a mess everywhere. While they pickup, you lightly clean, run the vacuum, sweep, run the dishwasher etc.

The largest issue is the deep clean. Getting all those jobs done that you just can't get do easily with young kids underfoot. We made enough money to afford to hire a college student to deep clean once a week. It was 4 hours once a week on Saturday morning. One of us would clean with the college student while the other took the kids out to do things away from the house. We had no family nearby otherwise we would have done what my Sister-in-law did. Drop the kids off at the grandparents for a few hours while she and her husband cleaned.

Get help, if you can. We have a cleaning lady come to our home once per week, for four hours and it makes a big difference. Of course it is not enough and we still have to clean every day, involve kids, bribe or extort them like everyone else, lol. But it helps tremendously.

I don’t. I try to get it sorted as much as I can and have a cleaning person come twice a week to clean the bathrooms, kitchen and mop the floor if they can can manage to see it. And every time my mother in law comes, she frowns and comments how I’m a not tending to my house myself and she did it while working for 60 hours a week.

Hard. Really hard. Particularly when my wife is not so clean.

I had to just give up really. I still put their toys away but the house still felt messy to me.

All I ever think of is this when I tidy things up...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOK5Ez0a_g4&t=12

Anyone who wants to get organized, try https://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/

It's a great program that helps you set up a pattern for yourself a little at a time.

And if you don't want to do a program like that, here's a good guide: https://grkids.com/realistic-cleaning-schedule-download/

I want the same advice, but for cat parents without kids.