this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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Not The Onion

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In retrospect, I should apologize for posting such a shitty article from such a shitty source. I did it for the laughs.

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[–] BluCypher@piefed.social 148 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I feel like I should check on the story in about 28 days…

[–] toiletobserver@lemmy.world 37 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago

Witnesses of the crash:

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 124 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

So, reading the short article, only one infected monkey escaped, per the sheriff's office. Then the University they are from clarified that their infected monkeys are not contagious, and there were no infected monkeys on that truck.

The monkeys are for primate virology research.

Nice reminder of just how hard spun headlines are.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 16 points 2 weeks ago

Oh most definitely. But I won't let that get in the way of having a good laugh.

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[–] ApeNo1@lemmy.world 79 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

RFK Jr will be very worried that his newly recruited team for the health and human services department had an accident whilst travelling to their new government offices.

[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 6 points 1 week ago

Those monkeys are significantly more qualified than any of his current picks.

[–] aarch0x40@lemmy.world 62 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip 33 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

To give Hollywood some fresh material

[–] aarch0x40@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

This seems adjacent to the plot of Outbreak though

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It ain't even fresh this is straight up the plot of 28 days later!

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[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 55 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Truck carrying aggressive monkeys infected with hepatitis, herpes, and COVID crashes

A long as no one fucks the herpes monkey we should be fine.

in Mississippi

Shit.

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[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My monkey shipment!?!? There goes my weekend plans.

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 2 weeks ago

Listen, sometimes you need one hundred trillion dollars

[–] trolololol@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago

Now tell me there was 12 monkeys in there

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I actually had this one on my 2025 bingo card.

[–] protogen420@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago

Two dead presidents... Didn't say which countries tho.

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 22 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Are there 12 of them? Asking for a friend.

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[–] i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 2 weeks ago

Honestly, I'd be pretty aggressive too if I had hepatitis, herpes, and COVID and was just involved in a crash.

[–] shyguyblue@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Right Wing conspiracy in 3... 2...

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 25 points 2 weeks ago

The crazy part is they were headed to Florida...

Which means despite all the existing infections, they were likely meant as a control group /s

[–] bytesonbike@discuss.online 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Dang DEI woke monkeys carrying a fake china disease made in a laboratory

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 17 points 2 weeks ago

Thanks OBiden

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Driver was drinking Tylenol.

[–] konalt@lemmy.world 20 points 1 week ago (4 children)
[–] brax@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

451 is a great error code. It's a reference to Fahrenheit 451, and is used to indicate government censorship. In this case it's being used all wrong, and almost ironic in nature.

418 is a fun one too. "I'm a teapot"

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[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Thats probably for the best. Nobody should be subjected to fox news, or contribute to their ad revenue.

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[–] rozodru@pie.andmc.ca 20 points 2 weeks ago

yeah with the way things have been going this tracks.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] RaoulDook@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

First rule of 12 monkeys club is that you do not talk about 12 monkeys club

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Were they jumping on the bed?

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[–] captainastronaut@seattlelunarsociety.org 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Assuming each monkey only has one of those infections each they are probably lowering the population average for Mississippi.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 week ago

And raising collective IQ

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[–] AcidiclyBasicGlitch@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

You beat me to it...

Dear God... Just why!?!

A friend of mine sent me the first screenshot and I thought the Facebook account had just been hacked.

[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 11 points 1 week ago
[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

At this point I'm just like, yeah, that may just as well happen.

[–] EndlessApollo@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

When air force 1 goes down:

[–] glimse@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The story has been updated with information from people who know what they're talking about (as opposed to the idiot sheriff who made that claim)

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Fair enough. But I hadn't posted it for factual value.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Ah yes. I forgot the news, and reality has taken a "Who's Line is it Anyways?" approach to interpreting reality. Everythings made up, and the points don't matter.

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[–] HelluvaKick@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

I know they would just get in people's attics and cause mayhem, but Jesus fuck I've always wished the American southeast had wild monkeys I am rooting for the sole survivor

[–] SenatorCollins@aussie.zone 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, that’s not very typical. I’d like to make that point.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

typically the shipments aren't mixed like this. and the front stays on. but in this case. you see, when transporting aggressive monkeys with any one of the diseases, that's bad, but the front usually does, yes. stay on.

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[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 2 weeks ago

one is still on the loose!

I'm pulling for you buddy. Get the revenge you deserve!

[–] xoggy@programming.dev 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They changed the article title but the URL still holds the goods.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 6 points 1 week ago

You'll see this is the case everywhere if you keep an eye out. Fake news, and quiet editing after it circulates. Often on purpose. Like Dezi, the guy that shot cops raiding his house in Australia and went into hiding in the bush. All media outlets pushed stories that he sexually abused children, before removing all references to child sex abuse in later days after everyone had read the story. Likely to further remove any public support for the guy.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Hey this one was NOT my fault, I only work outside of US borders

[–] fubarx@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

So... Tuesday.

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