Coca-Cloaca
this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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Utterly disgusting, take my upvote.
Cloaca-Cola
That sounds like a furry-branded cola.
(Furry artists should be more embracing of the cloaca)
🎶
Its the Cola!
Cola-Cloaca!
Donald Trump says it's hot like Ivanka!
Cherry, Lime, Passion, there's no need to ration
At the Cooooo-Laaaaa...
Drink what you love!
🎶
It's not unholy, it's just less holy. There is still one hole.
Holesome
How the fuck do you make a suicide with the cloaca?
Instead of levers you have to choose on the screen.
I'm sure it's just a software thing, because even with the flavor mix-ins, they didn't give you every possible combination at any I've personally used.
Click Coke, you get Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, and then, like, Vanilla, Cherry, Lemon, Lime, etc flavors. Click Sprite and now the only flavor options are Orange and Cherry. Why the hell can I not have vanilla sprite? Why are all the other soda options not also a mix-in flavor option? Make it make sense!
Ideally, I should be able to light up every single option at once and have the ultimate blend of HFCS possible with just one go at the machine.
I've only used one of these abominations once, but I got vanilla sprite! It's possible!
I want to hack one of these machines so I can dial in a precise and repeatable mix. =3
I'm pretty sure you used to be able to do that with an app. I don't know if it's still a thing, but you could at one point create & save a ratio of a bunch of drinks, scan a QR on the screen, and pour. I think you could share them too?
Sigh... Your supposed to let it run for a second when you switch drinks. Noone wants to drink homeopathic Fanta, or I-Cant-Believe-Its-Not Coke with lime.
Wrong.
It's called swamp water, and as kids we loved it. Mixem all up!
That is a lot better than what we called them: a suicide.
Swamp water is the name of a regional beverage where I am.
I was a bit of an amateur mixologist as a child, and the top machine was my pallet.
But what was more, the corner store gas station that was down the street from my childhood home had multiple machines, each with 4 or 5 different drink options.
Years later, a friend of mine worked there as a summer job and told the friend group to avoid the fountain drinks so we did, and probably all still do.
Years later, a friend of mine worked there as a summer job and told the friend group to avoid the fountain drinks so we did, and probably all still do.
Fountain drink dispensers just don’t get cleaned. I worked at a fast food restaurant for 3 years; I think I saw someone go after the ice maker once. The nozzles get soaked overnight, but the inside might as well as been a black box.
I bought an old classic soda dispenser and I can tell you that no matter how much you clean the root beer spout, you will always taste root beer if you switch out the drink to coke.
Same goes for coke to sprite. You can taste the coke, it's just not as bad as the root beer.
So those old soda dispensers are supposed to be broken down and cleaned every couple of days. When I worked at a restaurant we had a service contact with Coca-Cola to do it. I worked at a TGIChillibees so it's not like the maintenance contract was a big deal. Smaller family owned restaurants probably can't afford it, and don't take the time to do it.
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Makes sense. Root beer has a really specific, pretty strong taste. So does coke, but not in the same manner.
I tried bleach, vinegar, a bunch of different enzymes. Just ended up giving up and buying a whole new dispenser and spout. Essentially was contaminated from the inside out.
Hundreds of feet of uncleanable moldy tubes vs. one easily cleanable opening.
There’s just as many moldy tubes just less moldy nozzles, and less doesn’t mean 0 now
I don’t even care. The lime-flavoured Diet Coke allows me to transcend the vastness of space and time in a trance-like state.
Yummers.
Worked at a fast food place ages ago, and I remember cleaning the caps of each fountain of the top image: they were pretty horrific. Another poster mentioned mold... they're not exaggerating. They were probably the second-nastiest surface in the restaurant, second only to the floor of the bathrooms.
Now, I'm under no illusion that the Cloa-Cola dispenser is actually sanitary, but it's gotta be better than the other model.
People I met who worked at a dessert factory said “no one cleans the ice cream machine because it smells bad when you open it”
Not to say they shouldn’t be shutdown but I bet mold is more common than people think.
Heh - Cloaca Cola
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I regret reading this.
The cloaca is the orifice of champions and I will not stand for this cloaca slander. Libel. Whatever.
I'm gonna sit for it because I'm shitting
Its why I only Drink Dr. Pepper put of those multi-fountains because if you mix all drinks together it tastes like Dr. Pepper.
Don't be scared. Fancy machine won't hurt you. Let's get you to bed grandpa.
I don't want my cola mixing with Sprite in the drink cloaca! I just want my fries and greasy burger with a crisp white sprite you damn kids don't understand!
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My beef with them are three fold.
- They have been around for a decade and the elderly seem to still have screen terror and freeze up and take forever
- There are often fewer of these machines and children plug the hole trying one sip of every flavor
- I've thrown out cellphones with faster interfaces than these things and the damn screens get gross after a while if not cleaned constantly
Oh hey one of my high school robotics mentors actually worked on designing those!
I made the housings for all of the training modules that got shipped around to Coca-Cola's techs.
The cloaca
The colaca
I enjoy the cloaca for the liquid choices and varities it provides.
My only complaint is the screen is never clean
The screen is the dirty part you're worried about?
Pretty much yeah. I know the nozzle is dirty, but that's just food stuff. Plus it's a problem even with the regular fountain.
The grime and snot on the screen comes from unknown sources. I don't like that
Screen also has pretty poor responsiveness. Have to tap at it a few times to get it to register your input.
Women's taints will get shorter as evolution brings them towards their own sexy cloaca and I'm all for it.
Based one hole solution enjoyer
This leaves me to wonder why not every restaurant has switched to the Freestyle machine as yet. :-(
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