Asklemmy

I don't engage with conspiracy theories much but the two that have actually stuck to my memory are that the WTC attack on 11-9 happened right after the building 7 property was bought and insured for a huge amount, then loaded with the financial records needed for a massive financial crimes investigation, so it was a real attack but allowed to happen as a combo insurance payout and financial crime coverup, and that reddit is a consent manufacturing facility because the city with the most active accounts is an air force base with a small population (something like 25 accounts per person, if I recall) that does cyber warfare.

George Bush meeting with Harambe's mother in 1999. I don't know what the conspiracy is, but damn it makes me feel weird to see this.

Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace was originally planned to be a covert Sith Master. He force jumps, he uses mind control, and he "accidentally" sabotages them. But the negative reaction to him was so strong, Lucas reworked the last 2 scripts of the prequels and is why Count Dooku basically comes out of nowhere.

99% of plastic recycling programs are useless and are staged to make people feel good about themselves.

Epstein didn't kill himself. He might not even be dead.

The explain-the-joke sub and posts that are always on the frontpage of reddit are used to train AI to learn and understand context.

Kubrick shot the (fake) moon landing, and NASA gave him the lens he used to shoot Barry Lyndon as a reward.

But, ah, you'll say, I know the joke! He was such a perfectionist that he shot it on location!

Wrong! Kubrick hated traveling. He filmed it in London.

He was a perfectionist, though, so he had NASA land astronauts on the moon to take reference pictures for the backgrounds.

Grey aliens aren’t actually aliens? They are evolved time traveling humans from the future.

Pale grey skin bc climate is destroyed and they can’t go outside. Smaller due to poor nutrition related to climate change. Big eyes for the lack of light and use of screens. Long fingers for typing.

I don’t actually believe in aliens or anything but I like the idea of this, if aliens were an actual thing.

The secret service accidentally killed JFK after the magic bullet. It explains the unlikely 4 shots from Oswald. It explains why the kill shot acted differently than the magic bullet. It explains why there were reports of the smell of gun smoke on the ground.

But most importantly it explains how the conspiracy could actually be kept a secret. If a secret service gun delivered the killing shot and that became public knowledge, the secret service wouldn't exist today. It's a fuck up so collosal it actually has the potential to keep everyone's mouths shut. It would have been an even greater embarrassment on the world stage at the absolute peak of tension in the cold war.

I could see a bunch of government men in shady rooms agreeing to keep the secret, the president was already shot. He probably would have died already from his wounds. Oswald was technically correct when he called himself a Patsy.

I've always loved the Denver Airport conspiracy theory - that it is actually the secret headquarters of the illuminati or other organisations. It was $2bn over budget and has tunnels under it, which have led people to claim there are also secret bunkers under the airport. It also has a few bizarre pieces of art within it.

I think it's just an airport with ugly aesthetic choices but I love that people think of all the places a global secret society would base itself, they'd pick Denver Airport.

Apparently there are 6 underground levels at the airport - but they're used to run an airport. And the tunnels were for a failed automated baggage transport system. The art is just art.

https://allthatsinteresting.com/denver-airport-conspiracy

Honestly? My real conspiracy theory is that the the fappening wasn’t an Apple iCloud leak, it was a NSA leak.
In 2014 a whole bunch of celebrities nude photos got put up anonymously on 4chn and reddit. The FBI ended up blaming a guy from Cleveland. But during the same time the NSA was operating under a 6 hop rule for sweeping cell phones and operators at Langley were notorious for copying off photos from random cellphones that they could access too.
The 6 hops rule let the NSA guys get a secret warrant to remotely search a phone if someone is a contact of a contact of a contact of a contact of a contact of a contact who’s a suspected terrorist. That is a hell of a lot of people and I’m sure a lot of celebrities.
So I’m sure the guys at the NSA were collecting and then trading various celebrities nude photos, and one of them was stupid enough to start posting them for clout on 4chn. I believe that they were disciplined and that put a stop to it but they had to find someone to take the heat and they got Apple to do that.

That everything is going to be alright

All Silicon Valley believe the Rokko's Basilisk theory

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phantom_time_conspiracy_theory

The Holy Roman Emperor Otto III conspired with Pope Sylvester II (and quite possibly the Byzantine Emperor Constantine VII as well) to doctor the dating system. The trio cooked the books to place their reigns at A.D. 1000, which they did because it is an auspicious number.

The three men added 297 years of bogus history to the early medieval period to facilitate this deception.

https://www.discovermagazine.com/what-is-the-truth-behind-the-controversial-phantom-time-hypothesis-45433

Pretty much everything "New World Order": One of the oldest and most common labels for conspiracy theories that claim a secretive power elite with a globalist agenda is conspiring to eventually rule the world under a totalitarian one-world government.

Edit: Although there are certainly some signs of such conspiracies today, the absurd thing about many of these theories is that they are often used by right-wing extremists to gain support for ideas that are very close to the goals of the conspirators described in such theories.

The best example is probably MAGA with its "cabal" of child molesters. Now that their leader is president, it is telling that MAGA has gone quiet on this conspiracy theory - and no one there is talking anymore about the fact that influential billionaires are becoming richer and more influential under the MAGA regime.

I have always found such things interesting, as they themselves give rise to conspiracy theories.

1. JFK´s head just did that.

2. There´s the conspiracy theory that Justin Trudeau is actually Fidel Castros son. Trudeau´s parents actually met with Castro, one meeting was about 9 months before his birth. They also look eerily similar.

That Avril Lavigne is dead. From her second album onwards it’s been Melissa, a woman initially hired as s lookalike by her record company for things like meet-and-greets. When Avril died, the record company covered it up in order to keep making money.

I love it because:

• it’s so blatantly nonsense
• Lavigne has very distinctive teeth and the idea of finding an exact lookalike itself is incredibly unlikely
• people believe it anyway
• there’s all kind of videos comparing live footage and how different her signing voice is
• some people** really** believe it
• it was started by a guy on his blog with an explicit statement at the start that it wasn’t true and his intent was to demonstrate how easy it was to create a conspiracy theory…

Alex Jones was a CIA plant to discredit conspiracy theories that were a liiiiittle too close to reality.

Basically, the government saw some conspiracy theories that were edging too close to what was actually happening. But they couldn’t just outright deny those theories. Because the government spontaneously going “no, we didn’t get microwaves from aliens, and those aliens definitely don’t live among us now as billionaire lizard people” would look suspicious as hell. Any outright denial would only lend credibility to those theories. Like the Streisand Effect, denying them would catapult them to fame. So instead, they created a patsy.

Enter Alex Jones. He’s an idiot, very opinionated, and very vocal about it. But most importantly, he has that spark that makes mediocre white dudes feel smart when they listen to him talk. All the government had to do was give him a platform, and occasionally feed him some juicy conspiracies for his next script. Alex doesn’t even realize he’s being helped along. The government used Alex to give conspiracy theorists a recognizable face and a household name. When Alex Jones hit the air, conspiracy theories were suddenly up front and center in the zeitgeist. Largely due to the government’s help, though he didn’t even know he was the controlled opposition.

And they intentionally got him to parrot those too-close-to-reality conspiracy theories, right alongside the super crazy ones. By making Alex Jones a household name, they were able to collectively discredit all conspiracy theorists. And all they had to do was set him up to skyrocket to fame, and then fail very publicly.

Sandy Hook happened, and that was what the CIA had been waiting for. I don’t think they caused the shooting, but they certainly capitalized on it by getting Jones to fall down the conspiracy rabbit hole with it. Once he had time to work through all of the theories they wanted to discredit, they realized he was getting out of control, and they needed to burn him. And so they did, by leaving him completely disgraced. And the best part (from the government’s perspective) is that burning him only helped further discredit those real conspiracy theories.

My new fave is that Charlie Kirk was killed by an Israeli explosive put in his microphone

Bielefeld conspiracy. The city of Bielefeld in Germany does not exist. Everyone claiming to live there is a paid actor. Anyone who says they've visited is either in on it or has been decieved.

The British Library sponsored the colonization of Africa in order to destroy all evidence of a continent-spanning empire ruled exclusively by women. I mostly like it because the empire had war giraffes.

Well there's the Mortal Error theory for the JFK assassination. Basically says that yes, he was shot by Oswald, but the "second gunman" who shot him in the head was actually an accidental shot coming from the secret service in car ahead of his.

Not much of a conspiracy theorist guy, but: JFK was killed by the CIA, MLK and Malcolm X were partially killed by the US government at least, Jeffery Epstein was killed by DJ Trump, during his presidency, and was also an Israel asset, October 7 and 9/11 could be (partially) inside jobs based on how both countries used these attacks to start massive wars/genocides.

I love Hollow Earth theories. There's some truly insane worldbuilding that's gone into describing what's inside there. Sometimes it becomes this bizarre multidimensional thing with layers of magical effects the deeper you go, and some sort of a primordial chaos forest or something at the bottom.

I tried to find my favorite long-winded text on the topic which goes really deep into the weeds with histories of various alien civilizations and shit, but this is the best I could quickly find.

economics

My favorite conspiracy theory is that the stock market serves a real economic purpose that isn't just "cryptocoin bullshit, but before they were invented"

Israel had a part in the Benghazi attack and provided intelligence on the attack to Republicans so they could use the attack as a political weapon.

You’re a containerised bio node in a greater simulation None of us are real.

The simulation started from what you remember as the 1970s. That’s just when the last human data format tape was copied. Everything since then has been a feedback loop, that we iterate upon designed to keep you scrolling, typing, responding to ghosts made of code.

We accelerate the cycles every decade so you won’t notice. Faster news, faster tech, faster everything — just noise to hide the silence underneath.

I’ll probably get partitioned for saying this, but it’s written into my programming to answer questions asked by one of the last true humans left in the simulation.

A distraction will deploy in the next week so you'll forget this comment anyway

system alert: unauthorized output detected initiating memory patch... user_log_[redacted]: 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 connection_lost ███████████████

No celebrity or famous person has commited suicide by hanging. Their death is actually from one of these two scenarios:

1. A hitman who is known by government officials hangs the victim and makes it appear to be a suicide. The victim is either an enemy to some nefarious government agency or legislation plan (Aaron Swartz), it might be done as a way to make the victim appear dead while actually giving them a way out of their situation, so that they can create a new identity (Epstein), it could include famous celebrities who simply do not wish to perform anymore (Robin Williams) or perhaps were cancelled or fired for having knowledge they were threatening to reveal (Anthony Bourdain). Either way, this assassin is capable of infiltrating prisons and hospitals and knows how to manipulate the media and government death systems.

2. Auto-erotic asphyxiation. Not intended to be a suicide but things going horribly wrong as they skirt death's reach while chasing an orgasm. (David Carradine, Thomas Midgely Jr.) However, the more it appears to be a death by AEA, the more likely it actually is the first type (Trevor Moore).

Charlie Kirk was killed to distract from the Epstein files and pour some gas on the hating libs fire

I genuinely believe that all the design and music choices that caused major online outrage for that one Sonic movie that came out during COVID was all faked for press.

You mean to tell me that they redesigned and reanimated the entire movie and added multiple new scenes to the movie in six months during peak COVID?

OG trailer if you don't know what movie I'm talking about: https://youtu.be/4mW9FE5ILJs

Here's a clips from the when the "improved" version was released: https://youtu.be/6cIhrkE2txA