yeah but if you get him down to Flesh Wound that's kinda a win
this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
113 points (95.9% liked)
RPGMemes
13024 readers
1024 users here now
Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
This is technically fan-made, not official. But it's popular enough that I've definitely seen it passed around as if it were official before (including a week or so back on this Community).
IIRC it was made official
I like this, but I prefer Cthulhu with its strong-but-somehow-possible statblock that also lists as as damage "1D4 investigators (player characters) per round".
Absolutely. There's a bit more drama in a mechanic that is comically unfair but still somewhat cinematic. This kind of sheet makes for a good punchline, but you would have far more fun as an ST (or a player) encountering a being with a stat block that makes a more subtle mockery of the very mechanics of the game.
-
Presence: Make a Wits + Ettiquette Dif 20 or Character must spend the failure difference in turns genuflecting and begging forgiviness is the Enochian tongue. Gain a dot of Linquistics (Enochian) if they do not have it
-
Auspex + Celerity: Perceive the full bloodline of target character, up to 100 years per success back in time. Select any sire along the line and destroy it. Target character is no longer a Vampire. Age newly mortal target accordingly.
-
Obtenebration: Eaten by your own shadow, no resistance.
Weakness: fascination with taxi cabs
A Malkavian PC figures out who their cabbie is late in the game and goes into a fit of screaming terror. Caine politely waits for them to finish.
Yeah, that's explained in the article.
I actually love the lore of Malkavians. Coming across as totally insane, but it's because they have this unnatural insight into things they don't understand.
My first Vampire character was a Malkavian inspired by Harry DuBois from Disco Elysium. He once horriffied entire Elysium, Prince included, by just picking up a cigarette and a lighter and taking a smoke to calm down
I loved playing as a Malkavian. My late best friend said that it might not be best to play as a Malkavian for one's first run at the game because of all the weird shit, and I replied "oh, now that's sealed it for me, I've got to pick Malkavian".
I like how a perceptive player of a Malkavian can pick up so many hints and clues. Like how >!spoiler [minor spoiler][your character refers to Therese and Jeanette as "daughters of Janus", or how the thinblood Malkavian near the start of the game says "don't open it"]!<
Edit: formatting
Can't do reddit-style spoilers on Lemmy. Spoilers are done with:
[visible spoiler message]
[Hidden text.]
Which looks like
[visible spoiler message]
[Hidden text.]
Thanks for the heads up. Fortunately it's only a minor spoiler, and it's nested quite deep in the overall thread.
It's interesting because the spoiler displayed properly on my phone, so I wouldn't have known if you'd not said. It's probably unsurprising that my app uses the Reddit style spoiler, given that it's Sync for Lemmy that I'm using. I've been meaning to switch to a different one (preferably one of the FOSS ones), but inertia is a bitch.
...I can take him
Not ending well in either interpretation of that sentence.
When you're Dark Fate 5 you have to welcome death in all it's forms.
Tryign to take Caine is not Dark Fate, it's "Nature suffers fools briefly".
I read the Demeanor as something VERY different than curmudgeon on my first try
🤨
... I mean, that is one of the themes of VtM.