Vikunja seems to check all your boxes
Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Vikunja is great and I use it but I really wish that the search also searched the contents of a to do. I put massive amounts of notes on my todos.
This feels a lot like Nextcloud Notes but the editor seems a bit clunky (like the web editor).
Carnet on Nextcloud is currently the "closest" I've found but it needs a ton of TLC. Sharing notes currently only works on the dev build. I keep telling myself I'll fix it but can't find the time. If anyone wants some open source contributions the maintainer has asked for help
planka
Markor is absolutely amazing. Pair it with syncthing.
Find it will mentained on play, froid and github https://github.com/gsantner/markor
Syncthing is discontinued this month. https://forum.syncthing.net/t/discontinuing-syncthing-android/23002
Well. I have used https://github.com/Catfriend1/syncthing-android for ages... Guess that will continue?
That is not good news at all!
I’m happy with standard notes. Very easy to use and you don’t need to sync files across devices yourself. I’m not sure if it’s possible to share the notes tho.
sharing - this one is key. I use a shared shopping list and we both need to add and edit.
Get jotting with your friends in seconds: https://pad.disroot.org/