this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
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[–] MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 292 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Ballet stars, and their notoriously poor balance.

[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 45 points 4 days ago (1 children)

He seems to have astonishing balance for someone with one leg

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 114 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] tempest@lemmy.ca 33 points 3 days ago

"haha no problem, this is polonium tea"

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago

don't worry this is just normal tea I offer before I throw you off building

[–] PorradaVFR@lemmy.world 84 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I mean ballet dancers are known for being klutzy and prone to tripping over their own feet. Right?

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago

Happens all the time, it's why they recommend you don't practice ballet on slippery roofs.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 169 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (4 children)

A nice window to the future for US citizens critical of their government... a window ripe for defenestration...

If I die mysteriously from a fall, please refer to this comment.

[–] Arigion@feddit.org 75 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Actually you will probably die in a Tesla whose doors do not open https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/friends-trapped-in-tesla-burned-to-death-when-electronic-doors-failed-to-open-after-crash/ar-AA1tWPYH

Or which just hits you: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/06/10/tesla-autopilot-crashes-elon-musk/

I mean now where Teslas are probably the next mandatory car for state officials. And after some "Think Tank" will be pretty sure that all the saftey fuss about autopilots is bad for the economy.

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 175 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Stay on the ground floor, Russians.

[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 53 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Heart attacks happens on every floor.

[–] ATDA@lemmy.world 42 points 4 days ago (1 children)

So do poisonings, and shootings but we're just mitigating circumstances here lol.

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[–] M0oP0o@mander.xyz 24 points 4 days ago

"Tragically fell from the ground floor balcony and landed on two bullets to the back of the head."

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

This is Russia, no joke.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

What? No window?

[–] theherk@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Ah the ol’ defenestration situation.

[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 126 points 4 days ago (2 children)

They don't have any budget to do it differently or it's a power move, like, it's not official but you know it?

[–] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 178 points 4 days ago (6 children)

It's a calling card. Everyone knows what happened, not a single soul will comment on it. Unless they fancy being the next up for flight lessons.

[–] TriPolarBearz@lemmy.world 26 points 4 days ago

I wonder how Red Bull sales are in Russia.

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[–] Supervisor194@lemmy.world 96 points 4 days ago (20 children)
[–] Maggoty@lemmy.world 37 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

You're just blessed enough not to recognize gallows humor. We're actually jealous of you.

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[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 41 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (8 children)

So many people fall from their windows or balconies in Russia that I am surprised they are still legal

[–] Red_October@lemmy.world 22 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Someone pushed for a new law outlawing them, but the efforts ended after he accidentally fell off a balcony to his death.

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago

his proposal had quite the impact, they say.

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

they are still legal

People?!

[–] sunbytes@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago (6 children)

It's to make the point that they were murdered. It's a fear tactic with plausible deniability.

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[–] voldage@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago

Comrade Putin thanks you for your contribution, we will do as you suggest and make people illegal.

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[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 61 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Russia be slippery. My heart goes out to these rare brave souls in a land of cowards.

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[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 50 points 4 days ago (2 children)

In another article emergency services responded with this gem.

He died a natural death. It’s not a crime.

should we be worried

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 25 points 3 days ago (3 children)

cause of death: the natural impact of cement on the body experienced after a perfectly natural fall

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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Everything is fine, nothing to see here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just going home. To my family. Which I love very much. And who I would never put in danger by not doing my job exactly as instructed.

[–] cyd@lemmy.world 62 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I imagine Russia is like the Star Wars setting, lots of crazy steep drops and they never install railings.

[–] FourPacketsOfPeanuts@lemmy.world 25 points 4 days ago (6 children)

The platform where Darth Vader confronts Luke has railings, so they clearly have the parts, tools, and a guy who installs them. Maybe he's just held up on Level B?

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[–] Badeendje@lemmy.world 43 points 4 days ago (5 children)
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[–] WrenFeathers@lemmy.world 30 points 3 days ago (2 children)

How long before windows make it to the statistics of average deaths per-year in Russia?

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[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 47 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (5 children)

This just piles up on the reasons Russia needs to be denuclearisased, putin getting ousted, democracy installed and so on.

Good news Russias economy is in the toilet and someone has started flushing already, Ukrain will prevail and hopefully we'll have peace one day.

[–] solomon42069@lemmy.world 51 points 4 days ago (11 children)

More realistically, he'll probably die of old age or be ousted by someone younger and more exciting to the wealthy elite that keep Putin in power. Real change may come after that, but a change in leadership is not going to immediately fix long term issues like corruption, wealth disparity, etc.

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[–] yarr@feddit.nl 5 points 2 days ago

[Official KGB Statement]

We are shocked - SHOCKED! - to hear that our esteemed citizen, Vladimir Shklyarov, has taken his final bow on the great stage of life. We cannot stress enough that this was an honest and completely-not-at-all-intentional incident.

It appears (and we're not saying it's a coincidence at all) that Mr. Shklyarov was simply... um, reenacting a particularly rambunctious pas de deux with the building itself. Yes, you heard us right - he was doing a dance move so dramatic, so full of life, and so bereft of any actual physical control, that it could have been misinterpreted as an "accident" (we're sure).

We've spoken to his ex-wife, who claims he was trying to "dramatically" exit the apartment by stepping off the balcony (she's a bit of a drama queen herself, we hear). But we know the truth - he was simply on a mission to break the world record for most consecutive pirouettes in a single building.

The local reports of him being "trapped" in his apartment are, of course, completely fabricated. We're pretty sure it was just a... creative interpretation of the situation (wink, wink). And as for the painkillers? Oh no, those were just a bit of a... well, we won't mention that.

We'd like to remind everyone that in Russia, we have a saying: "The show must go on - and sometimes, it's better to let the curtains come crashing down." We're confident that Vladimir would have wanted it that way.

So, in light of this tragic... event (we'll get to the word 'tragic' later), we'd like to propose an official KGB investigation into the "unlucky" circumstances surrounding Mr. Shklyarov's passing. We're sure it will be a thorough and completely-not-at-all-biased inquiry.

[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 43 points 4 days ago (1 children)

"in an apparent suicide, putin critic ________ shot himself in the back 20 times. more at 11"

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 4 days ago (2 children)

He's gonna do it again at 11? Damn, that's super sus.

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[–] uis@lemm.ee 22 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Again? That's another reason to uninstall all windows. Especially in Russia.

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