Crucify him, then.
this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2024
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Do You want an even dumber version of Christianity?
Lets not. I thought for awhile "hehe lets see how dumb we can go before people stop and realize how dumb they are". But they're not stopping. Everyday they surprise me with how incredibly fucking dumb the average person is.
There already is one.The remake came out 600 years after the original.
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Man, I must have missed that day in Sunday School when they taught that Jesus cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then used money from his carpentry business to have his lawyer cover it up so he wouldn't lose credit when running for the office of Roman prefect.
It’s only in John.
I have no idea why, but my first thought was it's only in "the John". As in it was in some ancient bathroom graffiti. Just scrawled hastily on the bathroom walls, explaining all about the son of God's legal woes.
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Don't forget the time Jesus told his disciples that when you're rich, women let you grab them by the pussy.
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Is she really Christian? Because she violated at least three commandments in one sentence.
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I'm surprised she didn't extend that to, "and both were persecuted by Jews!"
That would be a great counterexample to the anti-zionism == anti-semitism law. Zionist and anti-semitic 🔥🤯
As a Jew who does not support Israel's apartheid or genocide (I'm not even particularly interested in visiting apart from the archaeology) and does not believe in any sort of ethnostate, I consider myself a better counterexample.
Do you even exist? 🧐 May I see some identification please? Anything to prove you're a real jew?
/heavysarcasm-nonemeantforreal
Zionism has always been antisemitic.
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jesus, also a billionaire, oh wait
Jesus hated money lenders. Trump relies on them.
~~money lenders~~ money lauderers
That's the one time in the new testament (that I can recall) where Jesus got pissed, started whipping people.
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The same person who also said the Jews have secret space lasers. 🤔
The same ones they used to kill Christ.
Just like Trump, Jesus was famous for stiffing carpenters back in the day.
Modern Day Donald Trump: Doesn't pay contractors
Historical Sexy Gay Jesus: Stiffs other carpenters
You're falling victim to a translation error.
When I worked as operations manager in a contracting company we had an installer named Jesus. He was a young guy, illegal immigrant trying to support his family back home.
I was gonna tell a funny anecdote about how he smoked a joint on lunch break and ended up installing a door backwards and trapped an old lady in her house, but then I remembered that my boss would hire illegals like him because he could get away with paying them far below minimum wage and fire them for any passing mood he had, he delighted in punishing struggling people and didn't view them as human. I, the only white guy working with them and I started there counting screws and doing all the same shit work they did, learned a lot of really funny or vulgar spanish, I got to know them all as people and made friends and I wonder even nearly 20 years later what happened to some of them.
Jesus was deported when my boss called a "tip" into immigration services because he thought Jesus was lazy. Jesus was 19, it was not only his first job, it was his first job in a foreign country surrounded by people he doesn't know, living alone, no education or legal protection. He needed help, not cruelty.
So yeah, when people say "Jesus was treated unfairly" I always nod in agreement.
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OK, just crucify Trump, and look what happens (or not) on the third day...
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Of all the possible similarities to biblical Jesus that one could pick, that is definitely one.
For Trump? That's pretty much the only one.
To be fair, Trump also hangs out with prostitutes. The difference there is how the prostitutes were treated.
He does have a lot in common with Paul though. Asshole, telling people what to do while not giving a shit what Jesus said, hating homosexuals, and telling people how pious he is. Oh, and Republicans also care more about what he has to say than what Jesus said.
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I'm pretty sure Stormy Daniels did a lot of things with Trump, but washing his feet with her tears was not one of the things she did when his wife was pregnant.
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Am I the only one who sees her name and thinks "why is magic the gathering saying political stuff?"
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Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them? It was like his main thing or whatever. She's right. No wonder they worship Donnie.
Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them?
Famously tricked an entire wedding party into thinking a jug of water was delicious wine. Pushed quack medicine to "resurrect" fellow con-man Lazarus of Bethany and treat mental illness by herding a pack of 30-50 wild hogs off a cliff. Trashed an entire temple to clear a bad loan to some money changers. Pretended to get crucified and then slipped off three days later, after his buddy Judas Iscariot had absconded with 30 pieces of silver.
"Don't worry guys! I'll be back any day now!" Hasn't been seen in over 2000 years.
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You know, comparing people to God is basically blasphemy already. Not that I trust people who genuinely support Trump to understand anything about their own religion - or anything really.
The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Turning things around, I don't think Jesus is just like Trump.
So we are listening to magic: the gathering now?
Someone else called her Empty-G, which is more fitting.
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Broken record here, but isn't he basically the false prophet antichrist we were warned about at this point?
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"He's just like me frfr"
Jesus apparently
Ah, but the difference..
Yehoshua "Jesus" ( Iosa, actually, according to a Roman friend I had ) benJoseph was:
- falsely-convicted
- by legalists
- whom benJoseph had consistently shown to be hypocrites, &
- they were using legalism to convict him, to get even with him.
Trump, however, admitted in court that "Mother Theresa couldn't beat these charges" or something like that:
Trump was convicted:
- fair & square
- honestly,
- of actual-crimes
- he himself committed.
"Just like Jesus" my arse.
_ /\ _
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Nailed it.
Its really sad to see someone so absolutely full of shit that they have to unload it on the public
Will we one day get treated to the sight of MTG going down on a life-sized Trump sex doll on the stage in front of a thousand MAGats, all speaking in tongues?
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