Just for fun I decided to make my own modifications of Matthew 23. The changes are actually pretty extensive because I took liberties on a variety of parts that annoyed me, as well as trying to make it at least somewhat more relevant for our time.

Then Yeshua spoke to the crowds and to his disciples, Saying, “The Bible translation committees and the Fundamentalists have seated themselves upon the seat of Moses. Therefore, all the things they might tell you, whatever they are, do and observe, but do not act in accord with their deeds; for they speak and do not do. And they tie up heavy loads and place them on people's shoulders, but they are not willing to apply a finger of their own to move them. And they perform all their deeds so as to be seen by men; for they widen the ash crosses on their foreheads and wear the most luxurious suits in the churches, And they cherish the chief couch at meals and the front seats in the churches, And the deferential greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called Pastor by all. But do not let yourselves be called Pastor; for there is one who is your teacher, and you are all siblings.

And do not call someone on earth ‘Father,’ for there is one who is your heavenly Father. Neither let yourself be called instructors, because your one instructor is the Anointed. And the greater among you shall live in service to others. And whoever will exalt themself will be humbled, and whoever will humble themself will be exalted. But alas for you, translators and Fundamentalists, charlatans, because you shut the Kingdom of the heavens in people's faces; for you do not enter, nor do you allow those going in to enter. [Alas for you, translators and Fundamentalists, charlatans, because you devour the homes of those in poverty and declaim at great length when praying, for which you shall receive condemnation in greater abundance.]

Alas for you, translators and Fundamentalists, charlatans, because you travel all about the sea and the dry land to make one missionary, and when it is done you make him twice as much a son of Hell as you yourselves. Alas for you blind guides who say, ‘Whoever swears by the community, it means nothing; but whoever swears by the gold of Capitalism, he is under obligation.’ Fools and blind men! For what is greater, the gold of Capitalism or the community that makes the gold holy? And: ‘Whoever swears by the altar, it means nothing; but whoever swears by the offering upon it, he is under obligation.’ Blind men! For what is greater, the offering or the altar that makes the offering holy? Hence the one who swears by the altar swears by it and by all the things upon it; And the one who swears by their community swears by the sanctuary and by they who dwell in it. And the one who swears by heaven swears by the throne of God and by them who sit upon it.

Alas for you, translators and Fundamentalists, charlatans, because you tithe a tenth of the mint and the dill and the cumin, and have neglected the weightier things of the law, the love and the mercy and the faith; yet these things you ought to have done, while also not neglecting those others. Blind guides, who strain out the gnat but drink down the camel.

Alas for you, translators and Fundamentalists, charlatans, because you clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are filled up with plunder and dissoluteness. Blind Fundamentalist, first clean the inside of the cup, so that its outside may also be clean. Alas for you, translators and fundamentalists, charlatans, because you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly indeed appear lovely, but within are filled with the bones of the dead and with all uncleanliness. Thus you also outwardly indeed appear upright, but within you are full of dissimulation and lawlessness.

Alas for you, translators and Fundamentalists, charlatans, because you build the tombs of the liberators and adorn the monuments of the upright, And say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we should not have had a part with them in the blood of the liberators.’ Thus you bear witness regarding yourselves that you are the sons of the liberators’ murderers. And you—you fully measure up to your fathers.

Serpents, brood of vipers, how may you escape the verdict of Hell? So look: I send liberators and wise people and scribes to you; some of them you will kill and shoot, and some of them you will beat in public, detain and deport and drive from city to city; Thus accrues to you all the righteous blood shed on the earth, from the blood of Abel the upright up to the blood of Zechariah, the son of Barachiah, whom you murdered between the sanctuary and the altar.

Amen, I tell you, all these things will come upon this generation. Bible Belt, Bible Belt, you who kill the liberators and stone those who have been sent to you, how often I have wished to gather your children, the way a bird gathers chicks under her wings, and you did not wish it. See: For you, your house is abandoned [to desolation]. For I tell you, henceforth you most assuredly will not see me until you say, ‘Blessed are they who come in the spirit of the Lord.’”

Look theres good enough reasons to hate Chick-Fil-A but you are not telling me your brain lives in a world where the teenagers who work there are all (or even a lot of them) isolated religious fundamentalist nuts who just got let off the cult compound to interact with society????

They hire normal people with interviews???? Teenagers go to fucking public school????

The leadership isnt even close to "westboro baptist church" levels of extreme????