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I think the difference can be found in the Serenity prayer, known by alcoholics around the world.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
A spineless conformist would live by "If you can't beat them, join them."
I know I can't change the mind of everyone who bleeds MAGA, but I can vote in every election to oppose them, and continue to speak up when I hear hate speech or misinformation.
To add to that, a spineless conformist probably lacks "the wisdom to know the difference". If a spineless conformist was an alcoholic, they'd continue drinking alcohol because that's what everyone else is doing at the party they have to go to.
Wheras if a radical acceptor was an alcoholic, they might still go to the party and not drink, but they'd probably accept thier alcoholic friends drinking...
That said, I'm not sure if radical acceptance is the correct response to rising facism... 🤷
I think this is the right take. At the end of the day you just can't change some people's minds.
Arguably, you can't change anyone's minds, they have to change them themselves. You can try to lay the groundwork for them to make that change, but we all know what they say about leading a horse to water.
Like OP's example of the uncle with lung cancer. The dude already has lung cancer, and is continuing to smoke, what more could you really say or do to convince him to stop? They're already facing probably one of the biggest possible consequences of their actions and they're still not stopping.
Sure, you could focus all of your energy into trying to browbeat them into stopping, but do you really think that's going to get anywhere? Your time and energy are probably better spent convincing someone else to quit or not to start instead.