this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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Let me explain what I mean:

radical acceptance: ever think about how your coworkers are morons, your elderly parents have declined beyond recognition and actively work against you and seem to live to ruin every single one of your days, your boss is an insufferable, exploitative ass, your uncle has lung cancer but keeps smoking a pack a day, your teenager daughter is doing drugs because is trendy, just like you did when you were her age? You cannot change how any of those actors in your life behave, people are free to do whatever they want, even to do stupid crap like that. Trying to change any of those actors is futile and guarantees your mental health decreases overtime and they resent you for caring about them. The better but not ideal solution? Radical acceptance. They are what they are, don’t try to change them, accept them how they are. Let them fail.

This was suggested to me while talking about relatives with dementia and other mental illnesses, but I don’t know if I’m stretching the definition too much.

Spineless conformist: if there are things I cannot control nor change, like climate change, lack of a public healthcare system in America, fptp, maga… why even try? I’d be both radical accepting reality while being a spineless conformist.

Where’s do you draw the line?

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[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 26 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I think the difference can be found in the Serenity prayer, known by alcoholics around the world.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

A spineless conformist would live by "If you can't beat them, join them."

I know I can't change the mind of everyone who bleeds MAGA, but I can vote in every election to oppose them, and continue to speak up when I hear hate speech or misinformation.

[–] Venator@lemmy.nz 2 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

To add to that, a spineless conformist probably lacks "the wisdom to know the difference". If a spineless conformist was an alcoholic, they'd continue drinking alcohol because that's what everyone else is doing at the party they have to go to.

Wheras if a radical acceptor was an alcoholic, they might still go to the party and not drink, but they'd probably accept thier alcoholic friends drinking...

[–] Venator@lemmy.nz 1 points 21 hours ago

That said, I'm not sure if radical acceptance is the correct response to rising facism... 🤷

[–] Fondots@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

I think this is the right take. At the end of the day you just can't change some people's minds.

Arguably, you can't change anyone's minds, they have to change them themselves. You can try to lay the groundwork for them to make that change, but we all know what they say about leading a horse to water.

Like OP's example of the uncle with lung cancer. The dude already has lung cancer, and is continuing to smoke, what more could you really say or do to convince him to stop? They're already facing probably one of the biggest possible consequences of their actions and they're still not stopping.

Sure, you could focus all of your energy into trying to browbeat them into stopping, but do you really think that's going to get anywhere? Your time and energy are probably better spent convincing someone else to quit or not to start instead.