this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2025
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This is funny, but in reality douche bags win at dating because most people just are overly willing to give others the benefit of the doubt.
I'm sure Ill get some comments for saying that, but this applies outside of dating too, and applies to women as well.
How do you think strategies like weaponized incompetence work? They rely on a partner believing the other partner is participating in good faith.
How do you think the oil/dairy/meat lobbyists having one guy in a lab coat challenge mountains of scientists in a lab coat works? People just don't investigate deeply, assume all parties are acting in good faith, see that there is any disagreement between people who seem knowledgeable, call it a draw and walk away.
When people date stealth republicans, it becomes evident later than they would like because people really tend to give others the benefit of the doubt and assume they think like how they themselves think.
This common trend people have of assuming good will makes them very vulnerable to people abusing social norms and expectations. The way most of us think make us incredibly vulnerable.
The alternative is more depressing, cynical and cagey, but I can't see any other way to stop the worst people in society from winning purely by operating in ways that skirt on the edge of what you are willing to believe is in good faith.
More than just giving the benefit of a doubt, especially in dating situations, people often fill in what they don't know about the other person with what they want to be true. It's not necessarily a conscious thing, but it happens a lot.
People do that with people they dislike too