this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2023
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A Boring Dystopia
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I just recently reorganized my apartment and I hadn't realized in the midst of it that a lot of the stuff I was doing was with the mentality of removing any inconveniences or potentially confusing situations in case someone enters my apartment if I decided to commit suicide.
That was a very sobering moment...
As someone who has been in that exact same position, be cautious about organisation choices that seem like they'd be beneficial regardless of whether you live, but actually make it easier to die than live.
For me, it was the way that I stored my craft and hobby stuff - I made them tidier and more but in practice, harder to access. I did it this way because I wasn't actually using my hobby stuff, so they were just in the way. However, part of why I was so passively suicidal was because of the gradual atrophy of all the things that used made me happy, so by tidying away my tools, I was just digging myself deeper.
What I'm saying is that living, and life, is messy. Having a clear out can be good and productive, especially if you're not in a great place, because it can reveal things that aren't working for you now, but try not to make the same mistake I did. With the new space freed up by your organisation efforts, look over your stuff again and consider whether there's anything you could put in a more accessible place to reduce the activation energy of starting. I put some of my crochet stuff near my computer so I can do it while I'm in meetings, for example.
Oh dear 😥