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Women of Lemmy, how to pleasure someone that does not enjoy any clitoris stimulation? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by MTK@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Well, as the title says, I'm facing an issue that I'm not sure how to improve.

My partner does not enjoy any sort of clitoris stimulation, I tried everything from rough to gentle, from fingers to tongue, with lube and without. It seems that she truly does not enjoy it in anyway.

She does enjoy penetration very much and I put all of my efforts there, but I feel like I can't get her to an orgasm/higher pleasure and while she is satisfied right now I fear that over time she wont be.

So my question is what else can I do? There are some other pleasure areas that we use such as ears, emotional connection, fantasies, dirty talk, etc.

Maybe something I haven't tried on the clitoris? Maybe something else that can take it to the next level? Maybe something that she can do? Maybe just accept that this is okay? Again, she does enjoy herself a lot and is completely satisfied as far as I know, but as I'm her first I think that she is missing out on a level of pleasure that I can't figure how to help her achieve without the clitoris.

ETA: she does not masturbate, so no guidance or hidden methods on her part.

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[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It may be more on her than on you. I can have trouble orgasming during sex, but it is largely because I don’t relax correctly in the moment. Too many thoughts about performing in my head combined with muscles that are too tensed.

Therapy has helped a lot more than any technique. If she wants to work on this for herself, maybe she should try it. If this is just your insecurity showing, you should probably drop it and help her finish off with toys.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't think it's either.

She is very into the moment and I don't think she is tense or has a hard time being in the moment.

I'm also not insecure and would have been happy if masturbation was doing it for her.

The issue is that I think she is missing out on orgasming because she never experienced it and while she is satisfied with our sex life, I want to see if I can help her experience an orgasm.

[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Have you considered a sex therapist? Sometimes they are better at hearing clues as to what the problem is since they have experience talking to a lot of couples.

It doesn’t have to be the kind you get naked in front of either, just an intimacy therapist that you can both safely describe your experiences to.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Probably not as long as we are both happy, at the end of the day both of us are satisfied and happy. I'm just trying to figure out if I can get her to a point of higher pleasure/orgasm, since she never had that and I think she is missing out on it.